Subject: Do You Love Chocolate? 
April 2, 2012.

  Here is a lot of fun advice that really doen't make much sense.
Imagine you are talking to an oriental doctor.

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Time out for a laugh.....I really needed an excuse to eat that  chocolate
bar
Yum-m-m
J-nis

From: Elli-miser

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is
this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on
exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you
live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want
to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  Oh no.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy distilled wine, that mean they
take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.
Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you
have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food fried in vegetable oil.  How getting more
vegetable be bad?

Q :  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A:  Oh no!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be
doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?
A:  You crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best
feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A:  Hey!  'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets.

And  remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand -
chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally
worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final
word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth
after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages
and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:  Eat and drink what you like.   Speaking English
is apparently what kills you.

John Winston.  johnfw@mlode.com