On Sat, 13 Sep 2003 13:40:58 +0000 (UTC), Ed Conrad
<edconrad@verizon.net> wrote:

<
This is an email I received this morning from Mr.
Greenwald. They're apparently having bulk email
problems so he kindly asked me to pass it along.
<

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UPDATE/s3#178-T/relay/CRG/A#794/8P/=S13-04
UPDATE/s4#179-T/relay/CRG/A#787/9/P=S13-05
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all-newsgroups/NODELAY/WallaWallaWA/9:35am

< =========================================
<
Curtis R. Greenwald
Bots-R-Us
Walla Walla, WA
<
Good morning all. This will have to be brief because
I have a suntan appointment at 10 a.m.
<
As founder, president and chief executive officer of 
Bots-R-Us, the nation's leading provider of Internet
bots, I am pleased to inform you that the recent problem
with some of our disfunctioning Eliza-series bots
finally has been corrected.
<
The disoriented bots of talk.origins and a number of other
sci newsgroups have been repaired and within hours once
again should be scurrying onto your computer screen
promulgating their message of deceit, deception, collusion
and conspiracy.
<
As you know -- and  I hate to brag -- we here at Bots-R-Us
have long been the leading manufacturer of Internet bots
to provide stimulating discussion in the news groups.
They have been programmed to overcome a total absence
of facts and physical evidence.
<
I applaud our technical staff for having  done an excellent job
designing these bots who, until the current malfunctions,
have been doing a super job for which they were intended.

Our only regret is that some eventually ran out of steam and, 
for that, we sincerely apologize.
<
Until the problem first surfaced a few weeks ago, these bots
had done us proud here at corporate headquarters, successfuly 
carrying out their mission of defending factless, facetious theories,
lambasting truth and assaulting the character of anyone who
dares present facts and physical evidence (contrary to the theory
of evolution which we all now, down deep is a fairy tale).
<
Harry, our chief technician, explained that the brainstem of many
of these Eliza-series bots had become disattached over time due
to too much daily exertion. But, heck, we had anticipated an
eventual problem since many have been chastising truth and
heralding fiction for years. And, as we all know, nobody's pefect.
<
Sadly, one our our most troublesome bots has yet to be
captured and refitted. It is Bot.v1Sienkiewiecz who has been
difficult to locate and capture since it has been passing
itself off as a semi-retired millionaire lawyer and therefore
has millions of places to hide.
<
T our regret, Bot.v1 Sienkiewicz continues its tirade of accusing
everyone seeking truth of being -- and I quote --  "a coward and
a liar," much like a broken record. Our bots have been programmed
to be much more discreet.
<
Take it from me -- Curtis A. Greenwald, founder, president
and chief executive officer of Bots-R-Us -- we have set a trap
for Bot.v1Sienkiewicz and you can be assured that it, too, will
be back in our factory very soon.
<
Happily, troublesome wayward bots that have had their danglewires
succcessfully refitted include Bot.v9.Dietiker, Bot.v5.Krolczyk,
Bot.v1/4.Boikat, Bot.v2.Dunford, Bot.v2.vanillagorilla (Monkey
Boy), Bot.v3 John Wilkins, Bot.v4 Howard Hershey, Bot.v1/2.anastasia,
Bot.v3.Robert A.Walker, Bot.v1.stewdean,Bot.v4 Matt Silberstein,
Bot.v6.Ho-Stuart, Bot.v5.Casanova, Bot.v3.Howatt, Bot.v4.Wade Hines,
Bot.v5.Raven2, Bot.v6.gen1rev, Bot.v3/Klivo, Bot.v1.HokeyWolf, 
Bot.v7.cydeweys and Bot.v4.kenrode.
<
You should see them now. They're certainly the apple of our eye.

If there are any questions, please do not hesitate to call me --
Curtis A. Greenwald, founder, president and chief executive
officer of Bots-R-Us, on our toll-free 800 number at corporate
headquarters. I should be back around noon, after my suntan 
session.
<
Unfortunately, we still only have one line, so please be patient
when you call. As mentioned before, Millie, my secretary,
sometimes ties up thephone for hours chatting with her girlfriend.
Just stay on hold. I'm sure you'll eventually get through.
<
Cordially,
<
Curtis R. Greenwald
<

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<

     OUR BOTS' MOST DIFFICULT CHALLENGE 

<    (Petrified coal-age bones, teeth and soft organs)   

http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Smith/z11calv.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/z8femur.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/z5gall.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/newtibia.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/skullb.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/z9lung.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/brain/MVC-001S.JPG
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http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/1tooth.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Newpix3/z3dino.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/MVC-013F.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/MVC-012F.JPG
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http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/FINGER/MVC-008S.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/FINGER/MVC-011S.JPG

<
Petrified human toe (with toenail):

http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Au29/MVC-017S.JPG

Petrified human finger (with fingernail):.

http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Au29/MVC-016S.JPG

<
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<
Ed Conrad

 http://www.edconrad.com

<

=========================================

This is Charles R. Greenwald, founder, president and chief
executive officer of Bots-R-Us,

This is being dictated, as I am now a patient in Walla Walla
General Hospital.

I had fallen alseep getting my suntan treatment and everybody
left at noon. I didn't wake up until 5:30 and I'm now red as a
redbeet on one side. My other side looks like Casper the Ghost.

Unfortunately, because of these revolting developments,
corpoprate headquarters of Bots-R-Us will be closed for
about two weeks.

Curtis R. Greenwald
Founder, President and Chief Executive Officer
Bots-R-Us
Walla Walla, WA