On Fri, 12 Dec 2003 02:33:17 -0000, "Cliff Smith"
<cliff(nospam)smith@ntlworld.com> wrote:

** Announcing the first annual **
** GRAND PRIZE KOOKERY CONTEST! **

On behalf of Hugh, Mr 4X and myself, I hereby issue a challenge to all kooks
and anyone else with too much spare time on their hands. I'll personally
offer a prize of a CD token sent to your home address (or the institution
where you are incarcerated) for the most entertaining theory that links as
many as possible of the subjects on the list below into one vast conspiracy
theory, henceforth to be known as the Grand Unified Theory of Kookdom.
Theories should be at least 500 words long, and should be as entertaining as
possible. No stupid stuff like "They're all on your dumbass gay list". Put
some effort into it guys! If it turns out to be fun we could do it again
next year.

Without further ado, here's the list:

Ok, Freemasons are actually reincarnated alien reptile vampires from
the planet Lemuria. They are well known to be hiding out in the 5th
dimension, which is why they can travel backwards and forwards in time
as well as space. They do, of course need to feed, so they use their
time portals to abduct various victims from  all time epochs. However,
it's a well known FACT that travelling across the time continuums,
causes disruptions. The CIA and NSA and the various international;
agencies have been using HAARP as a kind of "radar" to tell them when
the interdimensional shifts are approaching, so they can capture these
villains. This is why NASA went to the Moon. The Apollo missions were
actually a coverup for the first skirmishes in the interdimensional
wars. Why do you think Kennedy had to go encourage the US to go to the
Moon in less than a Decade, for christs sake?  I mean what was the
hurry? The Russians, possibly, but it was more along the lines of the
allies versus the Russians racing to Berlin at the end of WW2. Whoever
got there first, got to kidnap the best alien scientists and best
technologies. This time instead of the Nazi's it was the lizards

When Kennedy was about to go to Dallas to announce the new Dynasty,
and reveal the TRUE reasons for going to the MOon, so he could get the
army ready, He was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald.  Oswald,
however, was 

Apparently, using the Bible Code (you forgot to mention that one,
shame on you, so I used the Bible as the keyword), the formulas for
the required weaponry and technologies were finally brought together,
when the patterns on the Mayan Calendar stone were used as a template.

However, this is only part of the cover story, because.........

Can someone continue this? I've run out of steam.

Cliff, it is your mission, should you choose to accept it, to assemble
the various pieces, if anyone else contributes, into a complete,
incoherent whole.

The following are the remaining keywords:


 

Zionism
Child abuse
Telepathy
Dallas and Dynasty (TV series)
Atlantis
Nazis
The assassination of JFK
The Mayan Calendar
The Pyramids
Crystals
Nostradamus
The Knights Templar
Lemuria
Planet X
Communists
MIBs
Iraq
Afghanistan
The Rothschilds
Ariel Sharon
George Bush (both of 'em)
Greenpeace
Liberals
The Columbia disaster
The Challenger disaster
The explosion in Siberia in 1908
The Yeti
Bigfoot
The Loch Ness monster
The Bermuda Triangle
The Nazca lines
The Easter Island statues
Stonehenge
Tibet
The Rhodes Scholars
The British Royal Family
The (faked) Apollo missions
Rice pudding
Income tax

...plus bonus points for any other whacko subjects we might have missed.
Closing date 31st December. Winner to be judged by popular acclaim, and
announced as soon as the dust settles. Come on you kooks, here's your chance
to put all that pent-up paranoia to good use!

-- 

http://users.bigpond.net.au/wanglese/Alien_recipes.html

"You can't fool me, it's turtles all the way down."