On Fri, 12 Dec 2003 07:12:58 GMT, KittyKat <nospam@nospam.com> wrote:

Wow!!
I have a story:


The FREEMASONS believed in Zionism and the BIBLE. They claimed Aliens 
were responsible for all the abductions not gypsies or fairies. Their 
favorite pass time was child abuse and traveling to other dimensions in 
a ship left behind at Stonehedge by aliens. Vampires were the cousins of 
the Aliens, and they used mental telepathy to converse amongst 
themselves and to control humanity.  Aliens in the past have been 
benevolent towards humanity by imparting their secret scientific 
knowledge upon selected humans. The humans were ungrateful and took 
credit for the secret knowledge given to them. This angered the Aliens 
so they decided to take over the planet and destroy humanity. Humans 
were wasting the knowledge by misusing it and not following the specific 
orders given by the aliens. They believed in reincarnations and played 
the haarp in their spare time. The wasteful misuse of the knowledge and 
the annoying music from the haarps angered the aliens even further. To 
make matters worse the vibrations caused the time continuum to be 
breached and they would then travel to different dimensions because of 
this musical instrument. Most of the time they never knew where or when 
they would end up often ending up in the bedrooms of strange humans. 
They would then have to make up a cover story that they were actually 
doing genetic experiments for the benefit of mankind.
The aliens have been with us for thousands of years. They used the Mayan 
calendars found in the pyramids to calculate the
exact time and to let the population know when to expect their arrival. 
They befriended Nostradamus who was given crystals by the aliens that he 
used to predict the future.  The Knights of Templar were in league with 
the seer, and were given the crystals for safe keeping although they 
denied it. It was suggested that perhaps the crystals were in fact in 
Tibet. The Nazis wanted the crystals for their own use. Unfortunately, 
the crystals ended up in the hands of the communists. They also wanted 
world domination so they infiltrated the US government with their MIB, 
who with their dark glasses were indistinguishable with from the local 
CIA. They even hired the Rothchilds to confuse the general public as to 
their motives.  By this time the aliens had managed to all return to the 
present time. When they saw the state of the world they decided it was 
time to take matters into their own hands. They needed a leader who 
would be easily manipulated. They chose JFK, but he was assassinated. 
Some even blamed the assassination as a plot by aliens. They realized 
that to be successful they had to find the perfect leader. The chose 
Ariel Sharon, although they would have preferred George Bush (both of 
them) but the two were too busy with Afghanistan and Iraq and turned 
down their request. The communist meanwhile were disillusioned and angry 
that they were no longer a super power.  They decided to join 
Greenpeace. At least they got to travel the world, cause havoc and blow 
up things and they were familiar with that stuff anyway. In fact one of 
them defected and attempted to blow up the two space shuttles Challenger 
and Columbia. The Aliens who were afraid that their secret base would be 
discovered decided to stop humans from going to space. Once again they 
were the ones blamed for the shuttle disasters. Previously they had 
thought of using Easter Island as their base of operations but that was 
ruled out.The local reptillian population, the result of past genetic 
experiments kept coming ashore and messing with their equipment.They 
tried masquerading as Yeti or Bigfoot and scare the population. Big and 
scary monsters always scared the locals, but the modern humans wanted to 
catch them for profit.While traveling from one continent to the other 
they were sucked down in the Bermuda Triangle. It seems they forgot to 
completely destroy the defense system of the Atlanteans when they 
destroyed Atlantis and some of the Aliens were killed or were seriously 
injured. They tried to use mind control on the British Royal Family but 
those plans were also ruined when Diana married Charles and everyone was 
preoccupied with the latest scandals. Their bad luck was apparent when 
some of the MIB were arrested for tax evasion and spoiling the shipment 
of rice pudding from Cuba. While pretending to be CIA they thought the 
ship was actually carrying Cuban refugees and they arrested everyone. In 
the fracas the shipment of rice pudding was ruined. The aliens were very 
angry. The communists ruined their plans to take over the world in 1908 
with the Siberia disaster. Someone at the annual elk festival drank too 
much vodka and accidentally blew up the fireworks display prematurely. 
One of the fireworks caused a fire on a passing UFO and it blew up. That 
left the aliens with nothing better than the Nazca lines and Stonehedge 
as markers for good landing sites. To make matters worse faked Apollo 
mission pictures were circulating and giving away all their secret 
bases. The Rhodes Scholars discovered the true mission of the aliens and 
decided to expose them on the Internet for all to see.The Aliens were 
now the laughing stock of the world. The TV series Dynasty had one of 
the characters abducted by aliens. Actually the Aliens were hoping to 
use the program to send subliminal messages and control the viewers all 
over the planet. Unfortunately for the aliens the show was canceled. It 
seems nothing was working as the Aliens planned. Their bad luck went 

>from bad to worse. In the past they were revered as Gods, now they were 

the laughing stock on the Internet for the entire world.
Many aliens had to go into hiding taking human form and moving to Tibet, 
or hiding their ships in Loch Ness where they were mistaken for the 
local Loch Ness Monster.They decided the best way to control humanity 
was to become Liberals. No one would suspect that some Liberals were 
actually Aliens. They are now once again waiting for the perfect 
opportunity, and hopefully backup ships from their home planet to take 
over the world. The first item on their agenda is to get revenge on the 
communists for ruining their plans and forcing them to become Liberals. 
The second is to take over all the newsgroups on the Internet and make 
the UNBELIEVERS the laughing stock of the world. And finally World 
Domination where humans will once again worship them as they did in the 
past.

Damn, that's good.  I concede.

-- 

http://users.bigpond.net.au/wanglese/Alien_recipes.html

"You can't fool me, it's turtles all the way down."