Re: MARTIAN AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH

On 8 Jan 2004 12:48:09 -0800, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
(HellPopeHuey) wrote:

} �
}  Gusev Crater (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force
} denounced as false rumors that an alien space craft
} crashed in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis on
} Saturday. Appearing at a press conference today,
} General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that "the object
} was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather
} balloon, not an alien spacecraft".
} 
}  The story broke late Saturday night when a major
} stationed at nearby Ares Vallis Air Force Base
} contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record with a story
} about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly
} came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several
} times before coming to a stop, and "deflating in a
} sudden explosion of alien gases."
} �
}  Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted
} the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the
} earlier report. General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that
} hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming
} across the Martian desert were blatant fiction,
} provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the
} general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's
} explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate
} on the "other-worldly" nature of the crash debris.
} Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's
} statements as evidence of "an obvious government
} cover-up," pointing out that Mars has no swamps.� They
} point to the release of secret government memos
} detailing attempts to discredit reports of the
} landings by alien space craft.
} 
} � The memos discuss stategies to avoid
} troubles similar to those caused by the War of the
} Worlds radio program of years ago. The program, which
} featured a sensational story of gigantic oxygen
} breathing two-eyed invaders from Earth, sparked planet
} wide panic.
} �
}  Local residents like Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area
} of the alleged landings, are even more sceptical.� "I
} seen it with my own 5 eyes" claimed Rhodo last week. 
} "I've lived here over 300 years, most of my adult
} life-form.� Them things used to be few and far between
} but lately they come in every few years or so.� The
} government wants to bury the truth but I can tell you
} what's real.� The Earthlings are going to invade and
} the government is spending our hard earned tax dollars
} on press releases and denials instead of preparing for
} the battle to come."
} �
}  A spokesthing denied any government involvement in the
} disappearance of Rhodo, who has not been seen since
} shortly after the interview, claiming "Any sentient being knows that
} a planet with the concentrations of water and oxygen
} found on Earth is a deadly and inhospitable
} environment for the formation of life, much less
} intelligent life.� The fear and consternation caused
} by the unfounded and wild speculations of citizens
} like Rhodo are a traitorous disservice to the citizens
} of Mars."