bjacoby@iwaynet.net wrote:

In sci.astro John Griffin <thathillbilly@yahooie.com>
wrote: 

If I were running Area 51, I would make a big, shiny,
saucer- shaped balloon, paint some unearthly features on
it, and park it where the nuts couldn't miss it. It would
be visible for only a couple of minutes, repeated until I
the first time I found a picture of it on the internet. 
Then I would make sure lots of pictures of it escaped into
the wild. 

Most people would say it looks like a saucer, but only 
the most fucked up two or three percent of them would say 
"extraterrestrial saucer."  I'd continue leaking pictures
until I fooled at least half a dozen people with nearly
average intelligence, so we could hear something
approximating a rational conspiracy theory. (Not that you
crazies aren't fun, but it's getting old.) 

Actually you wouldn't do that at all! And I'll tell you
why. First off, if you ran area 51 you'd be working for the
Power Elite. They have ZERO interest in calling attention
to themselves OR anything that admits of potential power
such as UFOs. 

Actually, I would do exactly what I said I'd do. I wouldn't 
concern myself with your piddly little fantasies.

What you'd do if, say, two UFOs collided near
Roswell, is send a team to scavage the crash sites dry.

I've never scavaged anything in my life, and it would take more 
than a couple of UFOs to make me start now.  The first thing I 
would do is find out what they were.  After that, the main thing 
I'd do is make sure I got into as many of the camera shots as 
possible, in case I want to run for president or something. It 
wouldn't be a big deal, since they'd be identified as something 
far different from whatever image is floating around in your 
fantasyland.  They'd be airplanes, known as just plain FOs 

By the way, it might interest you to know that "unidentified" is 
not a synonym for "extraterrestrial."

You'd invent a "weather balloon" cover story for the press
to give you "plausible deniablity". You'd threaten any
happenstance witnesses to the event with WHATEVER it took
to shut them up forever, up to and including murder. And 
finally you hire writers to blanket the world with coverup
stories to counter any rumors that might inevitably leak
out. The cover-up writers would come in all flavors: Some
would appear to be "kooks" so as to discredit any valid
rumors by painting them as "insane", others would act as
"debunkers" who would attack not only their "kook"
colleagues, but also launch major name-calling assaults 
upon anyone innocently repeating valid facts. The idea is
that this would scare others with valid information into
keep their pieholes closed. Finally you would turn over the
debris to your best scientists to try to extract the
"power" out if it. It is the potential "power" of this
technology that is the REAL prize here.

Actually, I wouldn't do any of that.  Your fantasies play out in 
your head, not on Earth.  As the big boss of Area 51, I'd stay 
in Nevada.  It might interest you to know that there is no 
Roswell in Nevada.

Let me explain. 

I wouldn't think of interrupting this funny little diatribe...

Say you are Pope during the renaisance. 

...but you used the word "explain," and now you've started 
bouncing off the walls.

You
hear this nasty rumor that some guy named DaVinci has come
up with some nifty device (telescope) that allows you to
spy into peoples homes while they are totally unaware of
you. What do you do? I think it's obvious: You GRAB the
technology and COVER UP it's existence. First off, you want
the political POWER inherent in the technology and
secondly, you don't want the people to discover you using
it against them (that could in fact be interpreted as a
declaration of war against them) and finally, you don't
want the very existence of the technology to become known
even in superstition and rumor, because it could induce
behavior that could nullify the power the new technology
gives you, (people just might start drawing their blinds at
night rather than not worring about anyone seeing in from a
great distance). Bottom line is that if you were a Pope 
like most historical popes of the period, you'd be VERY
interested in political power and LITTLE interested in
advancement of the body of human scientific knowedge. The
ONE thing you would NOT do is stage any "event" that might
call attention to what you are up to...even a "fake" one!

Jesus Christ, ding-a-ling, get a fuckin' grip!  Church bullshit 
is specifically NO LONGER IN CHARGE.

Damn, since my little joke idea caused that amusing little 
freakout, I'm tempted to post a big one to see if I can cause 
you to actually go catatonic or have a fuckin' heart attack.

OK, You debunkers, have at it! Tell me how what I've just
described is "nuts", "wacko", "Kooky" and just plain wrong
and I'll call you all paid liars!

bjacoby

I think most of the normal people will agree with me that your 
fantasies are just sorta funny, and your irrelevant babbling 
about popes and shit like that were just immaterial boilerplate.
Some of them might want to say "Galileo" just for the hell of 
it.  Anyway, I'll volunteer to let you see me as a paid liar in 
your fantasy world.  Meanwhile, back on Earth, I'm going to make 
a big balloon...