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Abductees Speak-Memoirs of Shadows by Laura

From my earliest memory I knew beyond a doubt that my life was different

than

other children's lives. I feared the visitors that would come to my

bedroom

unseen by my parents in the night. At the time that I was a child in the

late

1940s there were no movies about ET, Close Encounters, or Independence

Day. I

knew, however, that I was fearful of "space aliens" who came to visit when

I was

alone and defenseless. Their preferred method of entry to my room was

through a

window and my parents were perplexed at my inordinate fear of sleeping

near one.

They would also lure me outdoors where they would be waiting. I struggled
against these liaisons but in the end their will prevailed. I would hide

in a

secret refuge in a walk-through closet that led to my parent's room. I

would see

bright lights emanating from my room that no one else was awake to see.

Childhood

In childhood, and to some degree in the present, I had an overwhelming

fear of

doctors and dentists with their bright lights and sharp tools. Fear was my
constant companion-fear of the darkness, of windows, of being alone in a

church,

the outdoors, and of parked aircraft-that I imagined would come to life

along

with the occupants.

I learned early on not to admit my true fears to adults as they would very
quickly tell me that space aliens did not exist. If I persisted I was

punished.

Of the many events occurred in my childhood two events stand out-one of

which

was explored through the use of regression. The first one is a partial

memory of

encountering a male and female alien couple when I was approximately seven

years

of age. One night I was coming home from visiting my grandmother who lived
nearly adjacent to us. As I reached the halfway point I saw two figures

standing

behind the fence. My heart began to race as these were my night

visitors-not

outwardly different from one another but one male and one female. They did

not

speak aloud but they called me to come to them. In horror I shouted I

would not

and tried to run the rest of the way home calling them monsters. The next

thing

they uttered I have not forgotten to this day. They told me that they were

my

"real parents" and that I should go with them. I have little memory of

what

happened after that however I like to think that I ran and made it home.

My next clear memory was of seeing the ghost of my grandmother shortly

after her

death when I was twelve. This memory was further explored with the use of
hypnosis and proved to be far different than the screen memory I had of

the

event. In the morning my family and I had attended my grandmother's

funeral and

then all the relatives went to my grandparent's home for a gathering. I

remember

feeling uncomfortable with all of the emotional and grieving adults and I

went

into a bedroom to get away from them and perhaps take a nap. I entered the

room

and shut the door behind myself but in a few seconds I realized I was no

longer

alone. In the corner of the room was a floating figure that I thought was

my

grandmother's ghost. Upon clarifying the memory I was able to see that the
figure appeared far different than my grandmother-no hair, large black

eyes that

slanted, very thin arms, and pale whitish-gray skin. Frightened, I clung
desperately to the door handle in hopes of escape. (I had always thought

that I

had fled after seeing that ghostly figure but that proved to be untrue.)

The

figure moved toward me and stared at me with enormous black eyes. It told

me to

come with it. I initially objected and resisted, but I uncontrollably went

with

the alien. During the regression the saddest moment was when I realized

that I

no longer had my hand on the door handle and there was no possibility of

escape.

I was taken to a small waiting UFO and had procedures performed that

included a

sexual-gynecological procedure at my young age of twelve. I was returned

to the

bedroom and forgot most of the details other than I saw something

frightening

that I believed was a ghost. When I found my mother she indicated angrily

that

people were looking for me and that I was upsetting everyone with my talk

of

ghosts. Events of this type were interspersed throughout my

childhood-sometimes

clear and sometimes not at all.

Adolescence/Teen Years

Adolescence was for me as everyone an awkward age. Not quite grown up but

flying

towards it. The fear remained but I could no longer run to adults for

comfort

and protection. I was developing feelings about my sexuality but most of

the

time I was still a child. To the grays I was of reproductive age and of

use to

them. Teen years are always turbulent and mine were as well, but the added
hidden dimension was ever present. Odd occurrences were the norm for me. I
worked hard at school, but nights were unpredictable. I tried in my own

way to

create a sense of safety. In my teen years I found that alcohol often

quickly

obliterated my fear. This would prove to be a destructive pattern for my

later

years. It was during these years of change that I began feel that I was

leading

a double life-being a young teen by day, and a reproductive age female

when I

was abducted. As I got older I began to rely on alcohol at night to ease

the

fear I always felt after dark. In my teen years I was not abducted as

frequently

as in adulthood but still enough to maintain that gnawing fear of being

taken.

Adulthood

When I became an adult I had already had many years of training and
indoctrination in what it was like to be a victim of an act that was both
unreportable and unbelievable. I continued to have abductions but I had

the

comfort of two things-alcohol and the "spiritual" event people. I became
involved with some New Age and traditional spiritual practices and they

for the

most part were able to explain my experiences as visitations from angels,

spirit

guides, demons, or ghosts. The problem was that these explanations didn't

always

work as the grays couldn't always pull off looking like any of these. My

screen

memories were somewhat convincing in appearance, but the behavior of these
entities never quite fit. Why do spirit guides need to perform

gynecological

procedures and why couldn't I remember all the great stuff they were

supposedly

teaching me? Why do angels and demons need spaceships? In my twenties I

was

driving down a highway when "the devil" appeared in the back seat of my

car and

tried to take it over. Also several times the spirit of my deceased

grandfather

appeared to me-always when I was alone. These events have not been fully
explored but I suspect they are not paranormal events.

The fear remained and my alcohol consumption eventually had to stop. The
spiritual solution quit working, so I turned to the UFO groups. I joined

MUFON

and it was there that I met Dr. David Jacobs. At that point in my life I

was

fairly certain of my abductions and needed answers and support. I was more

aware

of the abductions and some of the memories were very detailed and I turned

to

Dr. Jacobs for help investigating them. Regression hypnosis is not to be
undertaken lightly and it tends to open a door that can never be closed

again. I

do not regret my decision to proceed and it gave me a new peace that I

cannot

fully explain. It also presented new problems but they are not shadowy and
fragmentary. I have had much support with the memories and ongoing events.

The

events have been frequent but I feel somehow more able to deal with them.

I have

a video camera trained on me at night. It has provided relief as I

perceive a

decrease in events and a feeling of security that has allowed me to sleep

with

less fear. Nothing works 100%, but I am willing to take something that

works

perhaps 80% of the time.

I feel at times that I am leading two lives, one that I share with

everyone and

the other one that involves abductions. As I am new to these awarenesses I

am

still learning how to integrate all of this information. The grays are not
spirit guides and I believe not here to help anyone but themselves. As Dr.
Jacobs once told me, I have broken through their secrecy and now I feel I

have

hope.