Must be terrible for you.  Have you found any abductee's support groups
worth a damn?  Interesting you were able to "remember" some events, I've
heard that most people require hypnotic regression (like the original case
with Betty and Barney Hill) from a therapist to recover missing time.

I've checked around but there are no support groups in my area.  Most abductees
memories are not completely erased.  They have erratic memories of the
experience, much like if someone were to come in and out of consciousnous.  For
example durring one experience I just recall waking up and seeing my entire
room flooded with a bizare, rippling blue light.  The next memory I have is of
sitting in an extremely tiny metal chair that was molded to the floor.  I felt
drugged and was giggling to myself and singing "Fat man in a little chair".  At
that point I felt a hand on my shoulder and was startled.  I turned my head
around and started to feel dizzy.  The next thing I know I am lying in bed on
top of my covers.  My boxers are missing and my shirt is inside out.  I never
did find my boxers.

One of the newer theories about abuduction has to do with "Sleep Paralysis"
http://www.geocities.com/jorgeconesa/Paralysis/sleepnew.html
It has solved some "experiencers" problems.  That is to say, people that
were 90% sure they were abuducted, suddenly felt 90% sure they were
suffering some form of nightmareish lucid dreams, and the dreams ended (or
dramatically improved) when this explanation was presented to them.  Have
you heard anything about this theory?  (Of course this does not explain
abductions of people who were wide awake.)  Is this something you may have
discounted already?

Yeah I saw a t.v. program were scientists were claiming that sleep-paralysis
was the reason why people claimed they were abducted.    I believe that some
people might confuse this experience with alien abduction but I have never felt
paralysed during an experience.  Usualy I bolt up from bed and see a strange
blue light or a figure will rush toward me and I will black out.  When I was
young I had a strange experience where me, my sister, and two neighborhood
friends dissapeared in the woods behind out school.  We decided that we were
going to go look for snakes and turtles to keep as pets.  We left around 10am
and I remember us walking and then my sister started getting scared claiming
that someone was watchig us from behind a tree in the distance.  We stopped and
looked but didn't see anything but I do remember hearing a twig snap and then I
whispered to my friend that the girls should stay there and that me and him
would approach the tree where my sister saw someone.  We started walking and I
remember looking back and seeing the girls acting scared and holding hands. 
When we got about half way to the tree I started to get dizzy.  My friend threw
up. The girls started to scream and cry.  The next thing I remember is that we
are walking in a single file line with our head down looking at the ground.  I
remember looking up and seeing a water-tower a short ways from us at then I
felt a hand on the back of my head push my head back down.  The next thing I
remember is that we are all standing at the edge of the woods where we first
entered and that we were all standing side to side staring at the ground and
acting dazed.  The sun had already set and we all walked slowly home.  We had
been gone all day but none of us could remeber what we did al l that time.  We
weren't allowed to play with those kids anymore.  After this experience I felt
"numb" for several weeks.  I didn't experience any type of emotion whatsoever. 
My sister on the other hand almost had a break down.  She became paranoid that
wolves were everywhere and that they came to the window and stared at her at
night.  Nobody in the house could get a decent night's sleep because of her
constant screaming at the top of her lungs. This experience would definitely
rule out sleep paralysis. 

Anyway, to your question, Col. Corso's book is available on Amazon.com.
Just do a search for "corso" or "the day after Roswell".  It is $6-$7 in
paperback and worth the read.  He worked in the "Foreign Services" dept. at
the pentagon.  In charge of back engineering foreign (Russian, China, etc.)
technology.  He claims to have seeded multiple alien devices (fiber optics,
Kevlar, microchip, etc) to corporations for development in the private
sector.  One section of the book mentioned a theory that the Roswell crash
was intentional to "seed" the Earth with silicon life forms, i.e. the
microchips found strewn around the craft, and that the aliens on board the
crashed spaceship were no more that flesh robots (don't remember his exact
terms, but something similar).

Wow! I definitely got to read this book.  I've always thought that the Roswell
Crash was a Trojan Horse. And that like the borg, the aliens are needing us to
become just a bit more technologicaly advanced to be of proper use to them.  

Enjoy the book, and good luck with your recovery.
FIF

Thank You