In article <Xns9605309728AB3thathillbillyyahooco@130.133.1.4>,
 John Griffin <thathillbilly@yahooie.com> wrote:

Alexa, you talk a lot about the species known as The Grey, but 
you don't know much about them. This will explain.

The Grey are afraid of us, and for a couple of good reasons. 
First, we have a manifest destiny. Second, their fate in our 
manifest destiny isn't so good. 

Read: our manifest destiny is to hunt aliens for food.  Their fate is to 
become table fixins.

We Earthlings are on a mission from God. He ordered human males 
to "Go forth and multiply."  To women, he said "Go forth and 
spread," (the human race). He didn't say we should stop here at 
Earth. When our multiplying needs conflict with some species on 
some other world, that species needs some kind of reconditioning 
or something. 

Or take part in the resulting pr0n.

Our manifest destiny is to take over the entire fuckin' galaxy. 

Well, at least the stock markets.

Whenever it's necessary, we get to eradicate any motherfucking 
anti-immigration activists or other hostile species we run into, 
and after they're out of the way, we'll allow useful species to 
live as slaves, servants, or whatever, depending on their 
attitude. We will domesticate edible species.

The real kicker is that the aliens don't even know they're mining the 
salt to be used on other aliens on the dinner plate!

We'll leave the 
innocuous species alone in case we find a use for them later. 
However, since our rights are god-given, we can, for example, 
change the air in somebody's atmosphere. That'll be the end of 
those fuckers. haha. If god worried about that, they'd be on the 
mission from god instead of us.

Funny, I thought we had a lot less glorious reasons for changing the air 
in their atmosphere, like getting rid of the crap in our own...

Now, about the Grey in particular

Sorry to shock you like this. I know you think they're noble, 
advanced spacemen, but they aren't.

No, they profane a lot more when they're shot, and they really whine 
about it, too.

They're actual parasites!  
They have no possible value of their own--not even as food.  

<snarf> Speak for yourself!

Would you eat anything that color?

Listen d00d, you have not lived until you have had grey wontons at P.F. 
Chang's.  Yes, they do offer it, just ask to talk to the manager.

We would let them survive 
only if their hosts needed them and we have a good use for their 
hosts.  

Back on their home planet, their hosts are gigantic varmints 
called saxivores.

MMMMM-MMM!

Each one is about the size of a four hundred 
thousand pound drilling rig. As a matter of fact it is a living 
200 ton drilling rig-creature. That's why they're called 
saxivores instead of sheep, obviously. Anyway, the Grey live in 
colonies behind them as they travel through the planet's 
interior. They dig up the Greys' food, some kind of stuff that 
only grows a thousand feet or more underground. Several thousand 
years ago the Grey found a way to synthesize their food, but it's 
kinda like hothouse tomatoes or homemade root beer, so most of 
them just stay home and enjoy the good shit.

You better bet that's good shit.  Makes an excellent nightcap after you 
take out the aliens of the house for an entree.  But those saxivores, on 
the other hand--WOO HOO!  There's nothing on earth that compares to 
going on a saxivore safari, toting your trusty shoulder fired bazooka, 
with a few gatling guns ready for when all hell breaks loose among the 
aliens when you drop the saxivore.  Like shooting piranha in a barrel 
after you throw the raw meat in.

The Grey use the saxivores by mind control.  One Grey can control 
two or three at a time, and that takes just a bit of  attention 
every hour or two because eating rock and shitting Grey food is a 
damn slow undertaking and all they need to do it make the 
saxivore dig in the right direction.  By contrast, now that they 
stumbled into Earth, it takes all 16384 of them in the 
exploration ship to control one human, and that only works for a 
few hours.

But it's so much fun to pretend you're being controlled, though.  Gives 
a whole new meaning to "pied piper".

That's one of the big reasons they're scared shitless 
that we're going to figure out how to leave Earth and dash off in 
search of our destiny. They can't stop us when we start telling 
the saxivores to dig up and shit gold instead of Grey food, and 
since we can do that with things like cattle prods, it's bye-bye 
Grey.

I didn't settle for gold, personally.  Saxivores get the money and the 
greys rolling in at the same time, for FREE!  Why do you think we're 
bankrolling SpaceShopOne?  You didn't HONESTLY think it was for TOURISM, 
did you?  Bobdamn you're gullible if you do; look at the prices for 
crying out loud!

Oh, in case you're going to ask, there's a damned good reason 
they don't make a preemptive strike. It's because they have no 
fighting spirit, their weapons are obsolete and their military 
tactics are laughable. We could shock and awe the shit out of 
them in three days, and they know it.

Well, it's not like we haven't already given them a few examples.  :-)

As one example of their 
ineptitude, consider the fate of the last Grey gunship that was 
supposed to get here. You can still hear its distress signals if 
you know the right frequency. As that ship sailed past somewhere 
vaguely near the solar system, unable to find us like all the 
previous ones, their conversation with the Grey on Earth was 
recorded.

"Earth, Grey gunship calling! We can't find the marker. Did you 
mark the planet? over."

"Gunship, this is Earth calling. The marker was put in plain view 
and it's facing you right now, you idiot! Keep looking!"

<pause>

"Goddamnit Earth, say over when you're finished."

"Over."

"Earth, when did you make the marker? Maybe it's on the other 
side of the planet. We'll check again in a few hours. over"

"Gunship, the fuckin marker isn't on the wrong side! We placed 
the son of a bitch about 300 Earth days ago. We have the records 
right here. If you can't find it, you're an asshole! over, you 
motherfucker!"

"Earth, we're looking for a big circle with straght lines 
connecting it to some little cir"

"Shutup, gunship, say over. We know what you're looking for. The 
Earthies call them crop circles, and we goddamn sure made one 
right where you said, 300 Earth days ago. We'll fax you the 
fuckin' news reports about it! OVER"

"FUCK YOUR NEWS REPORTS! If we can't lock onto the marker, we're 
gonna drift off to fuckin' Beteguese and get cooked! It's all 
over"

"Stop sniveling.  over"

"Stop interrupting! It's all over for us. over"

"You said over. over."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH! over."

They know they're gonna die when we get around to it because of 
shit like that.

That's nothing.  Giving a little help I've got them to sound like a 
scene straight out of Deadwood.

They're frantically studying us, trying to steal our technology.  
Their tactics lead us to believe they hide information in their 
assholes, because that's where they look when they study a human 
nutcase. They're desperately hoping we don't get off this planet 
before they get something they can use, because if they don't, 
they're going to be the first TERMINATED extraterrestrial race.

You better believe it.

By the way, don't believe any of that shit those zeta things are 
yapping about. The Grey eat those pussies for lunch whenever they 
can catch 'em, and it takes a dozen to make a good meal.

Pretty sad when you think of it.

You may wonder where I got all this information, but no, you may 
not ask.

I'll ask you privately; the alien pr0n business is well worth you 
looking into.  They do much better than our cheesy crap; think "Boink du 
Soleil".