. If you can't really read

the world's great works of literature in only five minutes using a
system peddled on TV, how do you explain that gentleman on the
infomercial who aces those tests?

       He couldn't have known which  book to read in advance of the show;
that would be peeking. It's against the TV Code of Ethics.

Only last week, my friend Janet gave me a book that teaches how, through
a diet of salmon and romaine lettuce, you can shave 20 years off your
appearance.  However, before we got to the hard-core salmon-and-lettuce,
face-lifting theory, I was taken through a series of anecdotes,
solicited testimonials, and long-winded circular logic proving the
author's qualifications by citing the medical establishment's fear of
his simple brilliance. It was an eye-opener.

     Although it is more economical to preserve and even to restore your
health through vitamins and natural supplements, you still must take some
500-1000 pills per day in order to benefit. The reason is necessarily that
your metabolic processing efficiency is falling at a rate inversely
proportional to the health pitchman's rising profits. Another unexplained
coincidence.