First the situation is important, because that's the most puzzling
part. Let's say, you were 40 years old, you'd been single most of your
life, and you never married or had kids. Even though the search has
been grueling, you still press on, and the best are always taken. You
don't really like to drink at all, but do for no other reason except,
to be around women at the bar. So, real life has you passing through
crowds of beautiful women, and one day you take notice of a woman, and
something actually happens. But, that's the strange part. It wasn't a
date, or a kiss. Hell, we've never even met.
So, what happens isn't even really possible. Unless, you're religious
and believe that kind of thing could actually happen. In that sense I
really do, but not in direct association with just one apparently
normal person. The first event took place when I started seeing myself
attracted too her. I was suffering from a slipped disk, and at times
both of my arms were in absolute pain. It jogged between hitting my
funny bone, through to as much pain as would have you think that maybe
it's broken, or maybe it's on fire, or maybe that's most painful cramp
I've experienced. Any normal guy is going to have romantic feelings
from time to time, and right when that thought crossed my mind like a
fleeting deer across a street. The pain went, and has been gone ever
since. I thought, no way, and it can't ever happen just because some
woman looks good, er' some damn thing. She's married, and not
desperate, or single. The Devil doesn't want you to live, and if
there's another way you could suffer, he'll administer it.
I tell myself, it ain't happening, and it didn't. Then I went out and
got drunk, and the next morning, I had the worst hangover. I thought
about the pain caused by the slipped disk, and said to myself, "Okay,
something romantic, and passionate about her." and that worked.
A few weeks later, I was digging through the refrigerator, and ate
something. I was sweaty, felt feverish, nausea, and a little wobbly.
Went and laid down to be sick. Either it was the flu, or the
leftovers. I just happened to see her, and thought about what happened
the last two times. I kept telling myself, that this cannot be
happening. I don't even think that this person is even aware of the
fact that some specific mode of thought, or train of thought, is making
some kind of difference to or for me. So, I laid there thinking, well
that's just not right, because what ever it is, it's obviously her's
and even if she's not aware of it, it works. I kinda thought, well I
hope she can read my mind. Then I figured she'd rather not see me
sick. So, I tried thinking a more like boyfriend again, and it worked.
I caught a cold, and refused to allow myself to think that way. I
wound up sick and coughing for nearly 2 weeks. But, I didn't think
like that about a married woman, and I didn't get any better.
Now, a few weeks later, I was stung by wasp, and right when that thing
got me, she was the first thought on my mind. I wondered how clearly
defined is that line. Between thinking that way about her, and just
knowing I could. So, I my hand really hurt. I could have just kissed
her for the potential. No swelling, the sting died down in moments. I
don't understand. I just wish I didn't have to think that way to get
what I needed, and at the same time, she's not a doctor. I mean that
literally, I was healed. The only time I really allow myself to think
of her, is when I'm in pain because, she's married. At the same time,
I really don't want to, and might just suffer. If I told her the
truth, she wouldn't believe it anyway.
So, what would do, if that really happened to you?
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