"Sir Gilligan Horry" <GM@ga7rm5er.com> wrote in message 
news:gkjh33lchpufhucg9vjj5u8oun6qdqh8a4@4ax.com...

How is everyone today. Howdy, is everything going, OK ?

________

I just saw a spam message in Fastwalkers.com

It said "Lose pounds now !!"

I suppose you pay a few pounds and lose some pounds.



Knock Knock who's there? Lettuce...
Lettuce who? Lettuce in and we'll tell you!


Steven Wright is funny, aye.

http://www.stevenwright.com/clips/index.html

(There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.)

       The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a 
surrogate father to start their family.  On the day the proxy father was to 
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well,
I'm off now.  The man should be here soon."

       Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer 
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.  "Good morning, 
Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been 
expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good.  Did you know 
babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.  Please come in and have a 
seat".

 After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me.  I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the 
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.  And sometimes the living room floor 
is fun.  You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor?   No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and 
me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.  But if we try 
several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure 
you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!",  gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time.  I'd love to be In 
and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby 
pictures.  "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their 
mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job 
done right.  People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good 
look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.  The 
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, 
and when darkness approached I had to rush my
shots.  Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just 
had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, 
uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we 
can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am.  I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.  It's much too 
big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted!!