bMass Casualtiesb: The Dark Underbelly of Occupation, an Army Medicbs
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by Dahr Jamail February 18th, 2010 | T r u t h o u t
bLook around,b the drill sergeant said. bIn a few years, or even a
few months, several of you will be dead. Some of you will be severely
wounded or so badly mutilated that your own mother canbt stand the
sight of you. And for the real unlucky ones, you will come home so
emotionally disfigured that you wish you had died over there.b
bIt was Week 7 of basic training b& eighteen years old and I was
preparing myself to die,b said Michael Anthony in bMass Casualties:
A Young Medicbs True Story of Death, Deception and Dishonor in
Iraq.b The book is more than a simple memoir about a difficult
experience. It is an insiderbs scathing testimony of an ongoing
illegal and unethical military action in a distant, once-sovereign
state, by the US. Perhaps, this fresh account will raise some outcry
over an issue that has all but dropped out of the American publicbs
radar.
Following the family legacy of military service, Anthony enlisted
in the military at 17. The image he had nurtured of the idealism
of military life, however, ran aground upon his arrival in Iraq,
where he served as a medic in an operating room (OR) at a US military
base.
bMass Casualtiesb is a collection of Anthonybs personal journal
entries from his time in Iraq. It includes his introspections on
and insights into the inherently irrational and meaningless nature
of military life. The rawness of the narrative reveals how the
occupation broke down the young soldierbs spirit and almost
desensitized him into believing bmy job isnbt to feel.b
The late historian and Author Howard Zinn held the book in high
regard.
bMichael Anthonybs memoir is not about the politics of Iraq. Instead
it takes us deep inside the war, inside and outside the operation
room, the barracks, the talk of the soldiers, the feeling of the
situation b& unique and powerful,b Zinn wrote.
The young author makes no attempt to shield the reader from the
reality of war. In one instance, he gives a graphic description of
working on an Iraqi patient who had received shrapnel from proximity
to a suicide bomber. The shrapnel embedded in the patientbs body
happened to be bone fragments of the suicide bomber.
bIbve got a belly full of bacon and eggs and Ibm about to have my
arms elbow deep in someonebs stomach,b he wrote of his first days
there, bIn the OR we only do three surgeries at a time because
thatbs the number of beds we have. Even worse is that in one of our
rooms we have two OR beds placed only a few feet apart. This means
webll often have two surgeries going on at the same time in the
same room. Not the most sterile setup in the world, but webre short
on staff and short on space, just not short on patients.b
Here is an account that chronicles the impact of war on the individual
psyche as well as the collective consciousness of those that
participate in it. We are shown the swift process of dehumanization
that all soldiers undergo on the ground, to the extent that the
lines distinguishing bfriendb from enemy get blurred.
After hearing about a woman in his unit being bgang-bangedb by three
Marines at his base the soldier writes: bI wish I could just forget
everything and go back to thinking that everyone in the military
is an American hero. I wish I still had someone to look up to,
although I know itbs impossible. None of it seems to make sense,
and I canbt understand how people can do what they do.b
The authorbs morale, like that of his peers, plummets within weeks
of his arrival in Iraq. Nothing had prepared him for the melting
of backgrounds and personalities that the Army is. His associates
in the battle field are not easy people: bWhat an outfit: people
in their thirties, married with children, all of them having affairs.
One was a heroine addict; the other has slept with eleven men in
the past three months. One guy tired to kill himself and another
kidnapped a drug dealer. Alcoholics, chain smokers, compulsive
gamblers - who am I to judge?b
The reader is exposed to the factors leading to post-traumatic
stress disorder (PTSD), a serious condition that has been affecting
veterans and active duty soldiers alike, in epidemic proportions
since the beginning of the occupation.
Anthony writes of a suicide prevention class he and his fellow-soldiers
are required to attend:
b& they also tell us that people who are suicidal usually become
depressed from big changes happening in their lives. They say that
depressed people become withdrawn and will not enjoy everyday
activities. Theybll sleep a lot. I couldnbt help but laugh when I
heard this b& because I looked around the room and everyone fit the
criteria. Webve all had a huge change in our lives coming to Iraq.
Everyone here is withdrawn and sleeps as much as possible, and our
everyday activities consist of running for our lives and working
on near-death patients. Who wouldnbt be depressed and want to spend
time alone? We work long hours at unpredictable times, and we see
the same people twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. What I
never understood from these classes is how are we supposed to spot
the real suicidal people when everyone has suicidal symptoms?
There is a suicide attempt in his unit, but the higher-ups opt not
to write it up because nobody wants the hassle of doing the paperwork.
Matters inevitably worsen under abusive commanders. While he is
resigned to the binding contract that bb& says that all my decisions
are to be made by somebody else who is my superior,b he does not
feel particularly comfortable about it. bIbve seen him yell at a
female soldier while she sobbed uncontrollably. This is the guy
whobs supposed to be, I mean is, our leader in Iraq.b
When Anthonybs unit is moved from Mosul to Al-Anbar province in
central Iraq to set up a new hospital, the unit commander leads the
men to believe that he would be working at another hospital for a
month, but actually he was back in the US taking a class at a war
college because he needed the course in order to be promoted. The
medic finds it unconscionable: bI start to feel nauseous - we are
in the middle of fighting a war and our leader has given himself a
month-long VACATION.b
As the book progresses, the shift in Anthonybs stance from his
original reverence of the military to a defined mistrust of it,
becomes evident. So much so that he said, bAll it took for me to
respect someone in the military was for that person to refuse a
direct order.b
The irony is not lost on the reader who sees the young soldier
getting apprehensive about returning to civilian life and autonomous
decision making, as his year of service draws to a close.
Grappling with his own guilt, he has difficulty reconciling himself
to the sentiments behind the care packages that come from home.
bThese people are sending us everything they have, and most of us
donbt deserve it. They arenbt sending provisions to the heroes they
think we are. It is going to us doing shit jobs and others who are
criminals; people doing drugs, committing crimes, molesters,
adulterers, people doing anything they can to only help themselves.
The worst part about these old people sending me this package is
they think theybre helping.b
Mindful of his own boyhood spent idolizing the Army and playing
with GI Joes in the backyard, Anthony is filled with remorse: bSoon
the letters from the third and fourth graders will start to come.
Those are the most depressing of them all. Kids writing letters
supporting something they know nothing about, only that theybre
told to support their country and the war.b
If for nothing else, bMass Casualtiesb gains immense importance in
its honest portrayal of a young soldierbs vulnerability as he
struggles hard to cope with his shattered illusion about the Army.
It is not difficult to share his angst as he reflects, bI think
about why Ibm fighting this war and my eyes tear up. I think of all
the people webve killed. I think of all the peoplebs families -
mothers, fathers, siblings - and how theybll never see them again
b& I think about the war and I feel nothing. I think about life and
death, mine and everyone elsebs, and I feel nothing. I think about
myself and I donbt care if I live or die. On these nights, mortars
go off and I wonbt get out of bed. Ibll lie in bed as the bombs go
off. I tell myself it doesnbt matter if I live or die, nothing
matters - I like it when I feel nothing.b
To btake the edge offb being in Iraq, he tries everything from heavy
smoking to excessive pain medication and reported, bHerebs what my
days are like, I wake up in the morning and smoke to get rid of my
headache, then I walk to work, in a hundred and twenty degrees of
heat, and then spend all day covered in blood. Then I go home, take
some pills, and fall asleep.b
In a frank admission of his fears and lamenting the breaking of his
spirit he said, bWebre warriors on the battlefield but cowards in
our own minds and hearts.b
Anthony was back from Iraq and driving home from a lecture he had
delivered on PTSD and suicidal veterans when he learned of the Fort
Hood shootings [allegedly] by Nidal Hassan that left dozens dead
and wounded.
He told Truthout that the incident came as no surprise to him and,
bStories like that reminded me that therebs absolutely nothing a
soldier can do to not get deployed overseas. The Army has a policy
that if a soldier says theybre suicidal or homicidal, they still
get sent overseas. Why? Because if every soldier who said theybre
suicidal or homicidal didnbt get sent overseas, then anyone who
doesnbt want to go would just say theybre suicidal or homicidal.
So the Army in turn just sends everyone, no matter what.
bI had a friend who didnbt want to go to Iraq so he purposely failed
five drug tests in a row (smoking pot and doing coke) he still got
sent to Iraq.
There was one guy in my unit who didnbt want to go to Iraq, he told
our commanders he was suicidal, they said he still had to go. The
soldier then went and got a swastika tattooed on his shoulder, he
told the commanders that he was racist and hated everyone except
white people; commanders said he still had to go to Iraq. The next
day he takes a bottle of pills and tries to kill himself - and Ibm
sure if he were physically capable of it, he still would have had
to go to Iraq. There was a guy in my unit who was on anti-depressant
medication; our commanders said they couldnbt deploy him on that
medication that he should stop taking it. The next day he tries to
stab someone and is put in jail, he still went to Iraq with us.
There are more and more of the same stories b& Therebs literally
nothing you can do to not go to Iraq and I think thatbs why suicidal
and homicidal patients arenbt getting the care they need because
before itbs time to go overseas, youbre going no matter what, and
after you get back, the government doesnbt care.b
Rather than feeling happy or proud of his time deployed in Iraq,
Anthony captures a feeling that must be all too common for returning
troops who simply want out.
Recounting to Truthout one particular occasion when he realized
that things had gone very wrong with him, Anthony said, bEveryone
comes home changed.
For me I noticed it my first week back. I went to visit my brother
in San Diego and it was the end of October and for Halloween my
brother and I went to this bar b& My only concern was chain-smoking
and chain-drinking b& We go to this bar and Ibve just gotten back
and Ibm still in this mood like, bNobody knows what it was like.
Nobody knows where I just came from and went through.b My brother
and I go to this empty table and we start drinking beers and Ibm
chain smoking cigarettes, then three biker guys come up to us, they
look at me and say, bYou guys are at our tableb and as the guy says
btableb I turn around and blow my cigarette smoke in his face while
saying, bTable was empty when we sat down, go find another one.b
It all went downhill from there. One of the guys put his hand on
my hand (which was holding my beer) and pushes it away; another guy
turns his back towards me and starts roughly leaning towards me as
if to butt me out, and at this I get angry and in my head. Ibm
telling myself bThese guys have no idea where I just came from;
these dumb bikers think theybre so tough, Ibd like to see them
overseasb etc. And Ibm getting madder and madder and webre saying
things back and forth and finally Ibm so angry, that I turn my empty
beer bottle over and I lift it up to smash it over this guys head
b& From there I just started laughing; I stubbed my cigarette out,
flicked it at the guy and walked away. It wasnbt until a few minutes
later when I calmed down and grasped how crazy it was what I was
about to do. Then I realized that maybe I didnbt return home the
way I [I was when I] left.b
bMass Casualtiesb is not the first and is not going to be the last
indictment of the US occupation of Iraq. There have been films,
reports, books, blogs and dozens of testimonies at Winter Soldier
events that have exposed various ugly aspects of the occupation as
witnessed and enforced by the bheroesb in uniform. Each tale comes
with its share of guilt, despair and remorse at having been complicit
in wanton destruction under an obviously false faC'ade of patriotism.
Perhaps, this latest account in its unsophisticated and gut-level
rejection of the lie that the US military has come to represent
will make people sit up and take notice b& and action.