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      LONDON (Rueters) --Stephen Hawking,
the British theoretical physicist and cosmologist
whose scientific theories have made him an
academic celebrity, has been declared legally
insane by the British Academy of Science.
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    "We've finally come to the conclusion that
poor Steve is off his rocker and belongs in
a Looney Bin," said Sir Winston Hillchurch,
neurologist and head of the academy's
Brain Research Department.
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     Steve, during a recent interview on Piers
Morgan Tonight, said there is NO GOD and
that every blessed amazing thing you see out
there -- the birds, the bees, sexy folks of the
opposite sex -- came about by accident.
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http://images.contentreserve.com/ImageType-100/0211-1/%7B927BB094-0F96-4D43-AF60-A863D4031F4F%7DImg100.jpg
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     For decades, Professor Hawking has
been able to get away unchallenged after
spouting nonsense like this:
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     -- "Science predicts that many different
kinds of universe will be spontaneously created
out of nothing."
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     -- "I regard the brain as a computer which
will stop working when its components fail. There's
no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers.
It's a fairy story for people afraid of the dark."
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     -- "There's no need for a creator to explain
the existence of the universe."
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     Tipped off about the academy's announcement
concerning Hawking's mental health, a large crowd
greeted the news outside despite a downpour.
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    "Poor Stevie is nuttier than a fruitcake,"
said Ed Conrad, a drenched American tourist,
who told the BBC that he was waiting to go
inside to be knighted and get "a special award."
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     Hawking had received many great honors
in his life but, sadly, he will be stripped of
all of them.
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     They include being an Honorary Fellow of
the Royal Society of Arts and a lifetime member
of the Pontifical Academy of Sciences.
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      Hawking was awarded the Presidential
Medal of Freedom, the highest award the
U.S. can bestow on a living Human Bean
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    He undoubtedly also will get a pink slip
at his current job as Director of Research
at the Center for Theoretical Cosmology in
the Department of Applied Mathematics and
Theoretical Physics at the University of
Cambridge.
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    It will also cost him his Fellowship at
Gonville and Caius College, Cambridge,
and his Distinguished Research Chair at
the Perimeter Institute for Theoretical
Physics in Waterloo, Ontario.
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    He also will be removed from the top
of the list of Smartest People in the World
and replaced by Ed Conrad (now we know
WHY good ol' Ed was in London).
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    Steve is well known for his contributions
to the fields of  cosmology, quantum physics
and quantum gravity -- especially in the
context of black holes which are a figment
of his imagination.
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    He has also achieved success by writing
great works of science fiction in which
he discusses his own insane theories
and cosmology in general.
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    These include the runaway best seller,
"A Brief History of Time," which stayed
on the British Sunday Times' best-seller
list for a record-breaking 237 weeks
(until all of the dingbats in Great Britain
bought a copy).
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   If you'd like to send a Get Well card
to Steve, his new e-mail address is
legally.insane517...@hotmail.com
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<     (Remove the three dots)
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   This is a new photo of Famous People
after Steve was physically removed
from the Hall.
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http://cliptank.com/PeopleofInfluencePainting.htm
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     Don't try to find one Ed Conrad in
the photo. The Ignorant Bastard was
thrown out some 6-7 months ago.
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YES, VIRGINIA, THERE "IS" A GOD
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http://www.edconrad.org
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MAN AS OLD AS COAL
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http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.ed-conrad/msg/522305f02e955b66
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http://www.edconrad.com
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