Area 51 Cafe (Humour)

From: Ken MacGray 
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 97 07:12:48 -0500
Subject: Area 51 Cafe (Humour)


(Found in a.c.a51...  -Ken)

========================================


From: NoSpam@wetslap.edu (Who)
Subject: An Evening at the Area 51 cafe
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 1997 07:21:47 GMT


   Charlottesville may appear at first blush as a provincial southern
college town but it has it's share of unique eateries.  Being a town where
Ph.D.'s are as plentiful as cab drivers, err... UVA professors, the
restaurants can get fairly. . . unusual.  Tonight, we visited the Area 51
cafe, one of C-Ville's best kept secrets.


o Reservations were particularly difficult to secure as the telephone
number is unlisted and the resturaunt does not appear on any map. In fact,
the mangement denies the existence of the establishement entirely. Prior
customers seem to have no recollection of what the food was like, much
less ever being there.

o When we finally got the number and called in a reservation, the hostess
asked us to recite the recognition code of the week.

o The hostess was reluctant to give us directions to the place but instead
told us to simply drive down the Blue Ridge Parkway late at night until a
bright bluish-white light appeared overhead.

o Although there was valet parking, the parkers, heavily armed and wearing
blue berets, sternly warned us to steer clear of the garage.

o After they took our blindfolds off, we noticed that most of the other
patrons were strapped to their dinner tables and appeared to be sedated.

o The restaurant maintains that it does not have a cover charge, however
at the end of the meal we were assessed a substantial cover-up charge.

o The menu was a bit of a challenge for us because it was Vingiere-table
encrypted and we forgot to bring our one-time pad.

o We were really concerned about getting the right dishes as the waiters
categorically refused to write anything down.

o We asked our waiter about the specials of the day, but after a nod from
the chain-smoking maitre'd, he feigned ignorance and would neither confirm
nor deny the existance of the alleged dishes.

o We suspect that at one time there was a lovely scenic view from the
dining room, but at the time of our visit all the windows were blacked out
and covered in a fine stainless steel mesh.

o The restaurant has had an admirably long tenure, and we learned that
until 1947, the diners had the option of eating indoors or al fresco, but
the crash of what was clearly a weather balloon ended this practice.

o We were unable to rate the promptness of the service as our wristwatches
began to run backwards immediately upon entering, and because each of us
appeared to have lost consciousness at different points during the meal.

o Some of the meat dishes appeared to have been autopsied in the late
1940s.

o We were impressed with the mesquite grilled California Condor pate which
had a not entirely unpleasant aroma of formaldehyde laced with almonds.

o The silverware was a bit difficult to manipulate as the spoons would
spontaneously bend as soon as you touched them.

o We particularly enjoyed the Dessicated Groom Lake trout served with
fissile Chutney.

o We were disappointed that the cream cheese and LOX on poppy bagels
arrived unreasonably cold and brittle.

o We regret we cannot award more than a mediocre rating to the garden
salad doused with a pungent honey-mustard gas vinigarette dressing.

o We feasted on an apparently endless quantity of glazed leg of cloned
mutton over amerith couscous.

o After requesting an iced tea refill from our waiter, we were unsure of
what to make of his comment,  "No I'm not your waiter, but yes all of us
do look a lot alike."

o We were impressed by their on site microbrewery, which served a
wonderful complimentary Versed Stout.

o We highly reccomend the sweet and sour Roswell chowder surprise.

o We had to send back one entree for reheating which was quickly
accomplished by a few seconds in the beam of a cyclotron.

o Following the meal, our check was delivered, not with the customary
after-dinner mints, but with small cylindrical metallic implants made of
an as yet unidentified material.

o The reviewers would like to thank the gracious services of Dr. Charles
Foucault, liscensed regression hypnotherapist, without whom the recovered
memories of this evening of fine dining would not have been possible.

o We invite anyone who has had a similar dining experience to our group
therapy session Wednesdays at the Whitley Streiber memorial auditorium at
2000 or 8 civilian o'clock, whichever comes first.

-------------
Virtual Village Communication Services
Website Development & Design
Clinton, Massachusetts
info@vvcs.com - www.vvcs.com
FirstClass BBS: 508-368-4222
Member Wachusett Chamber of Commerce

Area51Web: www.vvcs.com/a51
Clinton Online: www.vvcs.com/clinton