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Skunk Works Mailing List

FW: Air Force Humour

From: Martin Hurst 
Subject: FW: Air Force Humour
Date: Fri, 18 Jun 1999 22:18:19 -0400

Got this from someone else.
-----------------------------------
A little military humor for ya!

    This proves that pilots retain (or they get worse)their sense of
 humor...

    Squawks" are problems noted by U. S. Air Force pilots and left for
    maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some
actual
 maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the
    replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem (S) = Solution
    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
 (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

     (P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    (S) #2 propeller seepage normal - #1, #3, and #4 propellers
lacking
 normal seepage.

    (P) Aircraft handles funny.
    (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be
serious.
    (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
 (S) That's what they're there for.

    (P) Auto pilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute
 descent.
    (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    (P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
 (S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

    (P) Something loose in cockpit.
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit.
    (P) Dead bugs on windshield.
    (S) Live bugs on order.

    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
    (S) Volume set to more believable level.
    (P) IFF inoperative.
    (S) IFF always inoperable in OFF mode.
    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
 (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) Number three engine missing.
    (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.
     (P) Target Radar hums.
    (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.
--

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Created: Fri Jun 18 22:45:40 EDT 1999