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From: Stig_Agermose@online.pol.dk (Stig Agermose) Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1998 23:03:01 -0800 |
Source: The Washington Post, http://washingtonpost.com:80/wp-srv/WPlate/1998-11/10/065l-111098-idx.html ----- Begin Forwarded Article ----- UFOs? When Penguins Fly! Sedona Exposes Those Amusing Extraterrestrials By Peter Carlson Washington Post Staff Writer Tuesday, November 10, 1998; Page B02 *** Penguins are watching us and they find us very funny. The goofy-looking birds are geniuses who long ago solved every mathematical problem that ever perplexed humans. That's because penguins are beings from another planet who traveled to Earth eons ago and deliberately re-created themselves in the form of birds who look like parodies of fat guys in tuxedos. They knew it would amuse humans centuries later, when tuxedos were finally invented. Penguins like to amuse humans because humans amuse them. The secret of the penguins is revealed in the November issue of Sedona magazine, which learned it right from the penguin's mouth. Sedona's contributors don't write their articles, they channel them from various intergalactic beings, including the beings that inhabit penguin bodies. This method of composition results in the strangest double bylines in American journalism -- "Kryon through Lee Carroll" and "Zoosh through Robert Shapiro" and "Eubellius of the Galactic Council through Scott Amun." Sedona is one of at least a dozen New Age magazines that have popped up on American newsstands in the last couple of decades. Some are fairly mainstream and some, like Sedona, are way out there in the Twilight Zone. All of them make for interesting reading, not only for believers seeking cosmic wisdom but for skeptics seeking human comedy. The New Age movement is as American as televangelism. The First Amendment gave Americans the right to pick their own beliefs and it made religions competitors in that great Marketplace of Ideas. This led to such homegrown religions as Mormonism, Christian Science and the Pentecostal movement. It also led to New Age, which is less an organized religion than a sort of free-form do-your-own-thing spirituality that combines elements of self-help psychology, Indian mysticism, American Indian mysticism, shamanism, neo-paganism, goddess feminism, Earth worship, astrology, telepathy, UFOs, crystals and goddess knows what else. Unlike other spiritual movements, New Age has no official sacred book. Instead, New-Agers keep churning out books and magazines jampacked with theories about everything from witches to penguins. The current issue of Common Boundary, one of the more mainstream of the New Age mags, offers some advice from John Perks, a "Buddhist butler" who once worked "in the Rockefeller household in Washington, D.C. and for Bill Cosby." Some of Perks's advice is practical: "Hang your pants upside down, folded along the creases, next to the appropriate jacket." And some is less practical: "Want your African violet to bloom? It'll be happier if it knows that you are aware of its consciousness and vitality." Meanwhile, Magical Blend magazine tackles the tough theological questions posed by the recent death of mystic author Carlos Castaneda, who had apparently led his fans to expect that he would depart this earthly realm in a spontaneous blaze of cosmic energy. "While many of his most ardent followers seemed to expect his body to simply vanish in a flash of light," the magazine reports, "Los Angeles County coroners have confirmed it was cremated in the usual fashion." New Age magazines are bastions of cockeyed optimism and slightly skewed versions of that old-fashioned can-do American spirit. In its current issue, a magazine titled New Age reports that hypnotherapy can help heart attack victims, that herbs can cure depression and that kids with attention deficit disorder can be helped by having llamas as pets. Magical Blend goes even further, reporting that medical researchers are on the verge of "breakthroughs that could render us physically immortal." Which is good because Sedona reveals that the penguins say that a new era of world brotherhood will begin in 35 years and you wouldn't want to miss it. Certain words tend to pop up frequently in New Age magazines -- holistic, healing, wellness, inner, growth, affirmation, quantum, quest, mindfulness. Mindfulness is especially hot these days. In New Age, there's an article about an Arizona spa called Miraval, which holds classes on "Introduction to Mindfulness," "Mindful Relationships," "Mindful Decision-Making" and even "Mindful Eating." Advertisers use these buzz words in their ads. A Caribbean cruise is marketed as "The Inner Voyage." A bed-and-breakfast calls itself "Your Total Wellness Getaway." And a company selling Mozart CDs promises that "listening to Mozart promotes healing and personal growth." And New Age magazine bills its holiday gift package as . . . you guessed it, "Holistic Holiday Gift Ideas." The ads in these magazines are sometimes even goofier than the stories. There are ads for the "Aura Video Station," which reveals the color of your aura, and ads for "The Affirmations Station," an alarm clock that "gently wakes you up with your personal affirmation in your own voice." There are also ads for "Shamanic Supplies" and "Vogel Healing Wands and Meditation Stars" and for the "Photonic Triangulation Unit," a strange sci-fi-looking contraption whose purpose is not explained. Presumably, you're simply supposed to know. In Magical Blend, there are ads for herbal marijuana substitutes, including "Buddah's Blend," which is used for "spiritual enlightenment, internal journey and guidance," and which comes with a free "Free Tibet sticker." If the penguins are reading this stuff, they are no doubt laughing. © Copyright 1998 The Washington Post Company ----- End Forwarded Article ----- +--------------------------------------------------------------+ | UFOMIND MAILING LIST | | Supporting the World's Largest Paranormal Website | | www.ufomind.com Moderator: Glenn Campbell | | | | Archived at: http://www.ufomind.com/misc/ | | Submissions to: ufomind@lists.best.com | | "unsubscribe" (in body) to: ufomind-request@lists.best.com | +--------------------------------------------------------------+ RELEVANCE OF THIS MESSAGE: Clarity Index: Channelling (#6) Index: New Age (#17)
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Created: Nov 12, 1998