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UFO UpDates Mailing List

From: Jam! TV=20
Date: Thu, 26 Dec 1996 12:43:14 -0500
Fwd Date: Thu, 26 Dec 1996 12:43:14 -0500
Subject: Easy Listening from Space

http://www.canoe.ca/JamMusic/dec23_tesh.html

 Monday, December 23, 1996
 Easy listening from space

 By MIKE ROSS
 Edmonton Sun
 =20
 There are people who say John Tesh is an alien - and Tesh is
 helpless to do anything about it.=20
 =20
 No sane person would believe such a thing. Ergo, no case for
 slander.
 =20
 The National Anti-Tesh Action Society (NATAS), reportedly based
 in Ferndale, Michigan, describes the former Entertainment Tonight
 host as an "interplanetary mole" intent on "softening up" the human
 race with his "mellifluous" new-age music. In June, NATAS picketed
 one of Tesh's concerts and distributed warning leaflets on car
 windshields. Tesh's publicist, Scott Seomin, recalls the incident: "We
 went outside and most of them scattered," he says. "They were
 afraid."
 =20
 Tesh (jokingly?) admitted to picketers that he was indeed an alien
 and wanted to know how they found out. NATAS operative "Kenny
 Five" later told reporters that he thought Tesh was actually a clone
 trying to "hypnotize" him.
 =20
 So all someone has to do to these days is cry "alien" (or "devil
 worshipper" or "Republican") and an innocent pop star is branded for
 life? It's unfair.
 =20
 Unless he really is, of course.
 =20
 No listing for either NATAS or "Kenny Five" exists in the Michigan
 phone directories. E-mail messages (the group has its own Internet
 home page) went unanswered. And Seomin says that NATAS hasn't
 bothered Tesh since June. Mysterious, don't you think?
 =20
 Although no mention of Tesh's alleged extraterrestrial-ness can be
 found on his Internet site (www.tesh.com), it contains a telling clue.
 He recently staged a contest, asking fans to answer the question,
 "How has John Tesh changed your life?" in 25 words or less. The
 winner, Monica Rios, wrote: "John Tesh's music is like a breath of
 invigorating fresh air lifting my spirits and relaxing my soul. I
 experience a wonderful, indescribable sensation."
 =20
 Just like a classic UFO abduction story.
 =20
 Another clue can be found on the home page for "Ask Altog, the
 All-Knowing Alien" (you can get this stuff by entering "John Tesh,
 Alien" into your search engine). Altog, who appears to be the typical
 bug-headed, almond-eyed variety of alien, predicts that Tesh will
 become president of the United States in the year 2008, beating
 John. F. Kennedy Jr. "by a landslide."=20
 =20
 If "softening up" the human race with musical porridge is the true goal
 of aliens, an even bigger question arises: Are there more where Tesh
 came from?
 =20
 Consider David Foster. The former Edmonton resident took his
 knack for musical polish to Los Angeles, where he is now the
 producer in demand. What do Chicago, Air Supply, Lionel Richie,
 Michael Bolton, Kenny G, Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston have
 in common? Aside from being part of FM 105's programming
 "variety," they have all worked with David Foster. It doesn't get much
 softer than this crew.
 =20
 Tesh's 1995 album Live at Red Rocks sold 500,000 copies and
 went to No. 1 on Billboard's new-age music chart (yes, they have
 one for everything). Foster's work, on the other hand, sells millions.
 =20
 Pop stars have always loved aliens. You can cite everyone from
 Thomas Dolby's Aliens Ate My Buick to Spacehog's 1996 debut
 album, Resident Alien. Brian Eno was writing spacey music long
 before Tesh became famous. Eno is also buddies with David Bowie,
 who during the '70s became "Ziggy Stardust," a glam-rock star from
 another planet. More recently, acts like Sheryl Crow, Foo Fighters,
 R.E.M. and Elvis Costello tripped all over themselves to get on the
 X-Files tribute album.=20
 =20
 However, "real" aliens aren't going to advertise too much, beyond
 playfully revealing themselves only to subscribers of Weekly World
 News or sabotaging Mars exploration missions. No, the threat is
 clearly from so-called "easy listening music" of the kind created by
 Tesh, Foster and the Windham Hill record label - wholesome fare
 sold by Wal-Mart and piped mellifluously into unsuspecting
 households across the globe.
 =20
 Thankfully, there is a simple way to stop the invasion. Just as playing
 I Fought the Law and the Law Won over and over again caused
 Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega to surrender in a drooling fit of
 horror, rock music played loudly will save our planet from outworldly
 forces. Just tilt your speakers toward the sky and turn it up.
 =20
 Remember: No sane person would believe this.=20

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