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From: David & Angie Lynn <davangl@idirect.com>
Date: Thu, 21 Aug 1997 11:12:18 -0400
Fwd Date: Sat, 30 Aug 1997 20:29:58 -0400
Subject: Understanding Research

Translations essential for your survival in the Scientific Community

IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN = I didn't look up the original reference.

IT IS BELIEVED THAT = I think.

IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT = A couple of my friends think so, too.

OF GREAT THEORETICAL AND PRACTICAL IMPORTANCE = Interesting to me.

A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY = A totally useless topic
selected by my committee.

WHILE I HAVE NOT FOUND DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS = The data made
no sense but I'm publishing it anyway.

IT MIGHT BE ARGUED THAT... = I can answer this objection so well that I now
raise it.

OF GREAT THEORETICAL AND PRACTICAL IMPORTANCE = Somewhat interesting to me.

OF EXTREME PURITY, ULTRAPURE, ... = Composition unknown.

THE W-C SYSTEM WAS CHOSEN AS ESPECIALLY SUITABLE TO SHOW THE PREDICTED
BEHAVIOR = The fellow in the next lab had some already made up.

ALTHOUGH SOME DETAIL HAS BEEN LOST IN THE REPRODUCTION, IT IS CLEAR FROM THE
ORIGINAL MICROGRAPH = It is impossible to tell from the micrograph.

PRESUMABLY AT LONGER TIMES = I didn't take the time to find out

QUALITATIVELY CORRECT...CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE = Wrong.

THREE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY = The results of the others
didn't make any sense.

TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN IN FIG.2. = The best results are shown in fig.2.

A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA = Three pages of notes were
obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.

SUBJECTED TO CONTROLLED STRESS DURING THE EXPERIMENT = Accidentally dropped
on the floor.

HANDLED WITH EXTREME CARE DURING THE EXPERIMENT = Not dropped on the floor.

THE MOST RELIABLE RESULTS ARE THOSE OBTAINED BY JONES = Jones is a friend of
mine.

A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT = This data is practically meaningless.

A STATISTICALLY ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS =
Wild guess.

THESE RESULTS WILL BE SHOWN IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT = I might get around to
this sometime if I'm pushed.

IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE
UNDERSTANDING OF THE PHENOMENON OCCURS = I don't understand it.

IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS
FIELD = This is a lousy paper, but so are all the others on this miserable
topic.

I WOULD BE REMISS NOT TO THANK THEODORE BUMSTEAD FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE
EXPERIMENTAL ASPECTS OF THIS INVESTIGATION, AND DR. BARBARA KNOWLES FOR
HELPFUL COMMENTS DURING THE ANALYTICAL PHASE = Ted did all the work, and
Barb explained it to me.