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From: BOB SHELL <76750.2717@CompuServe.COM>
Date: 14 Jul 97 07:40:52 EDT
Fwd Date: Mon, 14 Jul 1997 15:31:09 -0400
Subject: News Flash from Mars

AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH

Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false
rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis
on Friday.  Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser,
stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon,
not an alien spacecraft".

The story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby Ares Vallis
Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris Daily Record with a story about a
strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down in the nearby desert,
"bouncing" several times before coming to a stop, "deflating in a sudden
explosion of alien gases".  Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted
the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.

General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable
vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by
incidences involving swamp gas.  But the general public has been slow to accept
the Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate on the
"other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned
Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government cover-up", pointing
out that Mars has no swamps.

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