From: ej77@dial.pipex.com (Mike Wootten)
Date: Sun, 26 Apr 1998 20:15:16 GMT
Fwd Date: Sun, 26 Apr 1998 18:01:25 -0400
Subject: The Armchair Ufologist - Issue 3


Tough on Ufology - Tough on the Causes of Ufology
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The Armchair Ufologist

issue three

Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make ufologists

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Countdown to Ecstasy?

Newbie watchers will have noted the emergence, over the past year or
so, of one 'Max Burns' onto the scene. Hailing from the Yorkshire's
very own Rotherham Triangle, Max is an out and out ET believer. By
some quirk of strangeness he caught the wave at the right time and
ended up writing quite a lot (of rubbish) for Alien Encounters
magazine. But they liked him and he fitted in well with that 'zine's
uncritical viewpoint and make-money-at-any(one's)-expense ethos.

Indeed, last year at the BUFORA disaster in Sheffield when it was
mooted that Alien Encounters magazine form some kind of union with
BUFORA, using A.E. as BUFORAs house zine I suggested to editor Ninny
Pennydreadful that this would only take place if Maxy boy was dropped.
'Can't do that' she replied.

Alien Encounters' sales figures suggest they are now reaping what they
sow.
Fairysnuff.

Time passed and Max and I duly insulted each other at the opening
night of The Unexplained exhibition in Bradford. He was so insulted
that he later 'phoned me up and told me that he was 'having a spot of
bother with the police'. This spot of bother, according to Max, and
all the other ufologists who have told me since, was that he'd been
lifted in possession of 1000 tabs of ecstasy and had been charged with
possession with intent to supply same.

This would all be just tough cookies if it wasn't for the reasons Max
gives. Which are:

Max says it's all a fit up, and believes he is being 'got at' by The
Establishment. Why? Because he's an ace ufologist and knows secrets so
terrible has to be silenced. Lawdy. Worse still other ufologists such
as Miles Johnstone agree with him! Mad as lorries the lot of 'em.

When I spoke to Max he confidently assured me that he was going to
call Tim Good as a witness (because 'everybody knows he's a government
agent') and therefore the case would collapse.

That's Max Logic for you.

Let's see if that really happens pilgrims, or if it's just another
fantasy.

Several seasoned ufologists have wondered if his real name isn't Max
Boyce (actually it's not even Max Burns, can you guess what it is?).
Whatever his paranoid ramblings about fit ups and cover ups, the
forces of lawn order seem to think otherwise and he has been committed
to Crown Court. And the charge of Ecstasy 'dropped' to amphetamine,
which raises another problem - if Max is found guilty was he ripped
off or was he going to rip someone else off? It's a murky world out
there kids.

I have to say here that ecstasy and any amphetamine derivative, these
days, in my opinion is a crap drug anyway only suitable for dumb
clubbers - but each to his own I suppose.

Can't buy a thrill eh?

We'd say Happy Trials to Max but I suspect it won't be and that we may
have to wait quite some time before Max can enlighten me as to the
nature of the alien base under the Midland bank at Chapletown,
Sheffield, not to mention how I'll just never get to know about the
Tornado jet which was taken by a UFO last year in the infamous 'Peak
District Crash' scenario.

Speaking of which. Ace researcher (and soon to be 'Dr', courtesy of a
PhD) Dave Clarke has wrapped up the aforementioned South Yorkshire UFO
crash and in a rare feat of good research (rare for ufology not for
Wavy Davy) he has proved conclusively that it was all caused by
military aircraft breaking the sound barrier and covering it up. Long
story but you'll be able to read about it in the Brothers' Grimm 'UFO
'zine shortly.

'Political Dynamite' as Graham used to say in the heady days of Quest
International.

Anyway the also aforementioned Max thought he had the vaguest inkling
of what had gone on with this case and got a right strop on when he
found Dave wasn't playing at ufology and had actually solved it.

Cue the Max Factor.

Max took to making abusive 'phone calls to Dave at work and used 'bad
boys language' to boot.

Sad really but there y'go. I'm afraid Max just can't accept that his
beloved case is a complexity of mundanities which caused and not
aliens blah blah blah blah.

In his best defence of the nonsense he believes Max took to alleging
that anyone who disbelieved in his theories was working for 'Intel'.
We presume he meant the intelligence services and not the people who
make computer chips.

My how we laughed - but only after we'd been given permission to do so
by MI5 of course.
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The Miles Files

Miles Johnstone anybody? Long time BUFORA member, used to be big in an
Irish UFO group, works for SKY TV, used to be sensible, has a penchant
for hard co.......ooops can't penetrate that one any further, but we
have the evidence. Anyway we discovered that Miles was in league with
Maxy baby. Miles had been up to Sheffield to do some filming for
something to do with the alleged 'crash' which was to be presented to
the BUFORA AGM meeting. Now BUFORA look pretty stupid as it is, how
they could think to put on - totally uncritically - a video conjured
up by Messers Johnstone and Burns - god only knows.

So I emailed Miles J and told him that research had been done which
made any ET interpretation somewhat invalid. I also asked him to
contact Dave to check things out so a more balanced view could be
offered at the AGM.

Oh dear!Miles replied:

I asked Dave to contact me, as I was going to Sheffield on Friday.
He has not returned my call.

When I ask someone to contact me, as I am in his area, and he cannot
even return the call:- obviously they have nothing to say.

So please do not ask me to contact someone who is so rude as to avoid
me in the first place.
When you are constructing a cover story, be so prudent as to avoid
making so many holes in the first place.
The problem with unknown craft is, that they have the troublesome
problem of not doing what they are told to do, i.e. not exist.
When coming up with cover stories, it is also advisable to come up
with definitions which are correct.
If a Bollide had been over Sheffield, then most of middle england
would not exist, as a Bollide IMPACTS, i.e. is not an air burst.
Suggest you talk to the witnesses and tell them they did not see the
bodies being taken from the water,  because, they were not supposed
to.  But then we are not SUPPOSED to see anything are we.?   As
nothing is happening, and we are all happy little johnnies.
Obviously the expression of a point of view is a crime in BUFORA.
I am sure your contacts in "intel" will be informing you of my status
in these affairs by now anyway.
I shall expect the knock at dawn.... or do they do it remotely these
days... heard someone's house went up not too recently, for asking to
many questions.

The bottom line is that you lot have blown it, and it is time, if ever
there was, a more professional lot will take over, which I am sure
will happen, as sure as day becomes night.
MJ

The above is 'sic', if not 'sick'. But you get the idea where Miles is
coming from? Yeah, a small galaxy just to the right of Zeta Reticulli.
Wearied by this paranoid nonsense I asked him what he meant in the
last paragraph, all that stuff about people's houses 'going up'. Tell
me who these people are/were Miles, tell me where their house is/was.
I guaranteed him I could prove he was talking what Father Ted would
call 'shite'.

Needless to say I didn't get a reply to that one.

Another scattershot email from Miles came across my bows later.
Apropos of nothing it went:

received your threatening email.
During the taping of the report....   a simple report on a UFO,
I have had quite sufficient attention thank you.
exposing yourself in this manner is quite pathetic.
usual measures are in effect.
Max has no email address, as he is unemployed, and due to be remanded
until November.
He made every effort to get his side of the story across.
A simple video of someone's report is such a
threat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be happy I have such patience.
But do they?
Miles . J

Again I present it in all it's sic-ness. Note the expression 'usual
measures are in place'. This comes hot from the Barry King phrasebook
as anyone who gets THE VOICE will know. Miles is a King acolyte and
the two often discuss tunnels of an evening over a cup of Ovaltine.

Keeping one eye on the door of course in case 'they' come for them.

Natch.

Miles then forwarded Max Burns' replies to David's latest findings.
This was more of the same unsubstantiated garbage he has come out with
before. But Miles added his own little coda which went:

ETH is a well out of date 70s concept anyway.   As you have clearly
not noticed things have moved along since.   It was 4 years ago that
I showed an interview with a senior engineer who actually works with
the Greys and Reptilians, and the other types, in making our versions
of their craft.  But then you probably missed that.

The unusual use of the Queen's English is again all Miles'.

So, the ETH is an outdated concept? I'll go for that one Miles. And
because you've talked to a crazy who spun you a yarn we're supposed to
believe it? I think not.

There's more.

Miles wasn't going to be put off by anyone doing research which
produced results when speculation was to be had. Another extract from
the Miles Files delivered the killer blow:

Whilst editing the brief  video report for BUFORA, who I was livid
about, for NOT showing I was visited by 2 transdimensional entities,
one of whom chose to sit on my right knee, and observe the edit.

Lap-dancing transdimensionals eh. Conjure for yourselves readers the
thought of Miles trying to edit a video with a trans-dimensional
entity' sat on his knee. It's an enduring image and let's face it,
we've all been there.
But Miles has it all under control......

'I have already been told that the usual sources which deal with the
cover for such events have made a right mess of the Sheffield case,
including the drugs charges on Max, and the subsequent police who have
dealt with the case. '

Note well readers this is the level of ufology, and of ufological
debate, which the literalists think actually counts for something.

I could barely get this issue of TAU to the printers because Miles
kept bombarding me with stupidity. His last long email - so far -
rambled on about pirate radio stations, abducted DJs, the checking of
SKY TV personnel by intelligence agents and so on and on. His crowning
moment was some idiocy about secret messages encoded in music:

If you are not aware of the encoding being used in music, and its
influence in society, then I imagine you will not see the link between
the drug scene, certain pirate radio, and how it is manipulated, then
I suggest you start finding out.

No, this isn't Gordon Creaking writing, it's still Miles. But I think
we know where he's heading children, don't we? I don't think we've
heard the last of the Sheffield UFO 'crash', or Max, or Miles. We'll
keep you updated.
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Paranoia Strikes Deep- Into Your Heart It Will Creep

Paranoia, as you have seen, is at its worst ever at the moment on the
UK UFO scene. Everyone you speak to accuses everyone else of being an
agent of disinformation or a debunker or whatever. None of these
charges are ever proven and it seems to me that when the subject is in
meltdown with no real research being done then that's when the witch
hunts start.

The Internet, whilst being a fantastic research tool has exacerbated
the loony tendencies ufologists have and rumours can now be spread ten
times faster than ever before.

Where once the slow transmission of information by post and telephone
led to consideration and reflection, things are now radically
different. If someone has an ill-advised thought it has become a
theory by tea-time, a fact before bedtime and is in a magazine or book
within months. It is then irrefutable and anyone who does attempts
criticism is working for the........and round and round and round and
round we go.

Take the Rendlesham Forest case. In recent months new details have
come forward which strongly suggests that the whole series of events
over two night was - like the Sheffield crash case- a complex series
of misidentifications and misperceptions.

Even its principal investigator Jenny Randles has been quoted as
saying 'Rendlesham is at best half the case it was and may turn out to
have been little of any substance after all.'  But I bet she changes
her mind!

Researcher James Easton has done terrific in depth research on this
case and come up with original statements from Rendlesham witnesses. I
won't go into the details here - it will be all over the UFO press
soon enough. I suggest that those of you with Internet connections
have a look at Easton's spiffy homepage at:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/pulsar/

Of course this sort of real research was too much for many and without
thinking or considering the evidence (or in fact without many of the
goons actually having read much about the original case) people leapt
to the defence. Elder statesman of ufology (i.e. old bloke with a lot
of books) Richard Hall just couldn't hack it at all and bleated and
baa'd in an arrogant fashion, as did others from across the waters.

James Easton responded delicately but firmly by re-iterating what he
had discovered, comparing it with what was know and drawing the
inevitable conclusions.

No.

Still didn't work.

It seems that a great many ufologists are so narrow minded that they
cannot conceive of any other explanation than the exotic. Moreover
they haven't the faintest idea about the nature of misidentification,
misperception, the workings of the human brain, transmission of
folklore or probably what day it is.

Of course Easton was immediately denounced as a debunker, despite him
once being a staunch supporter of the case. The people who denounced
him just cannot accept that any of their military personnel could be
subject to a massive misperception, the corpse of which has been
picked over by ufologists ever since.

Joined up thinking is as new a concept to some of our American
colleagues as it is to the believing bunch here I'm afraid. The UK
backlash hasn't really kicked in yet - but it will. Look out for
Matthew Williams et al on their high horse about it and I predict a
Jenny Randles 'well, the case isn't as bad as we first thought because
there are still unexplained factors' damage limitation exercise -
followed by a book, of course!

And that's how it goes. Even if Col. Halt signed a statement in Larry
Warren's blood saying he had misidentified the lighthouse no-one would
now believe him because, well because Rendlesham begins with an 'R'
like Roswell, and therefore an alien craft must have crashed there.

Halt has apparently written a book on the incident, due later this
spring. Rendlesham groupies will no doubt seize on its every full
stop. Quite frankly I think whatever he writes is redundant now that
the original witness statements are available. All else is conjecture.
It will also depend on whether Halt is seduced by the lure of money as
to what he writes. Of course if he does explain the incident in terms
of misidentification and misperception the believers will say he's
been 'got at' and if he says it was exotic and unexplained it goes
against the witnesses statements.

We are still awaiting the book penned by the Lighthouse about the
strange lights and Americans with tape recorders it saw in the forest
in December 1981.

If you want a good example of how ufologists think check out the
UFO UpDates mailing list (you can find the archives via the UFOMIND
site). It's a constant babble of half formed speculation, pseudo-truth
and pseudo-religious yearning. But well worth a look nevertheless.

You will:

SEE famous ufologists dodge the issue. THRILL as they ignore facts.
WONDER at what nonsense they will come out with next.

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Apocalypse Maiow

Everyones favourite ufologist, Harry Harris, has been in the news
recently. Older readers will recall that Mr Harris, a solicitor by
trade, is keen to defend his views and opinions.

So much so that several ufologists have been threatened with legal
action by him for merely disagreeing with some of the strange claims
he has made.

Like Alan Godfrey was abducted by aliens - yeah, as if.

Of course legal action and belief in aliens are Harry's prerogative.
But it does seem a little odd to defend one's opinions via the law
courts andnot in open debate. Anyway.....

Harry was also instrumental in the legal action that Stanton Freidman,
once an Unclear Physicist and now a ufologist by tirade, took against
Jenny Randles in 1989 simply because she disagreed with Freidmans
claims and alleged he was a fanatic. The fact that this was in private
correspondence to a journalist who blabbed and then refused to back
Jenny up makes things all the more seedy. But then journalists are all
partakers of Satans semen so we shouldnt be at all surprised.

This cost Jenny a lot of money, as the UK libel laws are fundamentally
corrupt and date from another times forgotten place and class system.


Basically if you've got the money and the time you will invariably
win.

Its also always puzzled me how Harry could write legal letters using
himself as  his own solicitor - thus saving money whilst the people he
threatens action against have to fund their own defence. The legal
profession serves only itself I'm afraid.

I too have my Harry file where his threatening legal letters are
lovingly stored for when the social history of ufology is written.

Anyway we digress, but suffice it to say many ufologists have a place
in their hearts for Harry. So imagine my surprise when the February
3rd issue of the Manchester Evening News ran a short piece entitled
Lawyers Pet Threat which reported that Harry was to appear before
magistrates on charges of making threats to kill and possessing a
firearm with intent to cause fear. According to the article Harry had
allegedly threatened to shoot a pensioners dog which had chased his
cat up a tree.

Obviously this case has not yet come to court. We are merely reporting
the Manchester Evening News account of the charges and offer no
comment or opinion.

 As we go to press the M.E.N. ran another piece, stating that Harry
had been bailed until May 5th for Crown Court committal proceedings.

As Harry is a well known ufologist we merely note the facts of the
matter as reported by the M.E.N.

A posse - should that be pussy - of  northern ufologists will be in
attendance at the May 5th hearing.
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North Of The Border News

Scottish councillor and UFO fancier Billy Buchanan has been banned
from every committee and sub-committee until the local government
elections there in 1999. Moreover he can now only communicate with
council staff by fax or letter! The furore all stems from Buchanan's
general behaviour and he has been accused of:

*Calling chief officers 'a band of vagabonds who are like leeches'
*Accusing the chief executive of racist behaviour merely because they
didn't want a Kraut Kamara Krew filming in the council building.......


And so on. Typical behaviour for an aggrieved ufologist whatever their
profession I'm sure you'll agree. It's nice to know those involved in
the democratic political process have such a firm grip on reality.

After losing the vote Billy questioned whether he was 'living in
Bonnybridge or Baghdad'. Geography, along with politics, is obviously
not a stongpoint among some of our Scottish brethren.
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Lights, Camera, Action

Now, some real ufology!

February 2nd 1998. Several hundred people saw two bright lights fly
slowly from west to east across the Pennines. Aeroplanes! No, they
flew too slow, too low and too together. Airports said they had
nothing on their screens. The press received hundreds of reports and
two videos of the objects were taken. Should be easily solved then eh?


Er, no.

Of course ufologists in the area seized on this as a UFO, which
strictly speaking it was. UFO magazine determined it was the best
sighting since, oooo, since the last one. Their special report hasn't
appeared yet but I'm told it will be comprehensive and may even
include facts!

Usually anything witnessed by more than two men and a dog almost
certainly has a mundane explanation  - but what could it be?

BUFORA's NIC's (National Investigations Committee) John Heptonstall
has studied this case sensibly and in depth. By viewing the videos and
collating the testimony of over 30 witnesses he was able to plot a
flight path and determine various characteristics. It seems that the
two objects were almost certainly helicopters or RPVs of some sort.

OK, so why the fuss? Why should all official sources deny any
knowledge? Because it was a secret operation?  What - over the major
conurbations of northern England? Not likely! And anyway, if it was a
'secret' why were the craft flying with huge lights on them?

Well how about this.....

Whatever agency was flying these craft sent them over built up areas
and with lights on intentionally. They then monitor public opinion via
the press, which then gives them the feedback they need.

You can imagine the conversation as Bert and Sid, the MODs top men,
discuss the incident:

"How's it hanging Bert. What's new?"
"Well we flew the two X14%^'s over northern England in February as
planned Sid"
"Did anyone see the structure Bert?"
"No the lights completely obliterated it Sid"
"Any problems Bert?"
"Nah Sid"
"What did people think they were Bert?"
"UFOs Sid."
"Suckers, Bert."
"Yeah suckers, Sid."
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A Hypothesis Too Far?

This is just an extension of the Federal Hypothesis, which has it that
a government will use the UFO mythos for their own ends. The F.H.
receives all too little attention in my opinion. Far too complicated
several people have said. But it's not at all.

The beauty of the Federal Hypothesis from the official point of view
is that the public create and nuture it. They do the majority of the
work for them. No secret departments necessary, no hidden files
needed. No one has to be employed to work for the government because
ufologists unknowingly volunteer to do it for free.

The press is happy to go along with any silly season nonsense because
it means they get 'good' copy without having to do any work and all
government departments have to do is to answer any questions which are
posed.

Any problems here are got over by semantic gymnastics and usually by
answering exactly what is asked within the standard AS2a party line
about 'no defence significance'.

Or is that just my imagination, running away with me?

Anyone who has seen the bloke at Leeds/Bradford airport on TV denying
he knew what these things were immediately knows he's lying as he
smirks something about extraterrestrials. These things were meant to
be seen. Anyone who believes they were anything other than terrestrial
craft is a sap. Simple as that.

Back to life, but not necessarily back to reality........

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We've Got To Page 7 And Not Mentioned BUFORA So We'd Better Do So Now

As usual a great deal of this newsletter concerns itself with the
petty minutiae, in-fighting and squabbles from a very tiny little bit
of the ufological political scene.

Why, you ask. Well, quite simply because I feel that people have a
right to know about how ufology runs itself, about what ufologists say
and do to prevent freedom of ideas, opinions and change. And it has
always been my opinion that certainly in BUFORA there are factions at
work which have actively prevented any change or progression.

Some of these people are on council, some just council hangers on.
They've been around since the 70s and before and really need dealing
with.

Why does any of this matter? isn't it just petty political
in-fighting?
Yes.
But.
Because.
BUFORA for all their faults -  and they are many  - are well
established, with a good world wide reputation and an infra structure
for actually being a major force in ufology.

Pity its not maximised.

They produce nothing and live on their reputation, taking =A320 a year
from people, offering a scratty magazine in return which is so out of
date by the time the member reads it, it was hardly worth the bother.
I've paid my =A320 and that gives me - and all the other members- the
right to criticise until something happens.
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The Law Of The Bungle

BUFORAs totally fantastic web site has as many of you know its own
private members area where sage ufologists probe the mysteries of the
universe.

But what's this? Some nasty, rough, boys hijacked the site for their
own uses. Thus we were treated to the 'wit' of one 'Bert Buttock' -
which would have been fine he had been even just a little bit funny.
Anyway instead of just ignoring this nonsense until things got back to
normal the old dears at BUFORA got 'em in a twist somewhat and
terminated the site.

Guerrilla hackers soon brought it back to life.

But then it all happened again. Without any warning or a by-your-leave
they just discontinued the web site leaving hundreds of BUFORA members
totally mystified as to what had happened.

You pays yer money and no have no choice.

 More BUFORA stuff in a bit.

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Oi, Redfern -NO!

Nick Redfern's book A Covert Agenda is among us. A far more sensible
version of the tripe Tim Good comes out with but still failing to
deliver a killer blow to those nasty sceptics. I reviewed Agenda for
F.T. and admire Nick's dogged research into the facts - such as they
are.

But!

I spoke to Nick, saying 'There's one particular chapter I have a
problem with'. 'Is it 'The 'Copter and the Crash', he asked 'I thought
it might be that.' And indeed it was.

Irrespective of the pros and cons of A Covert Agenda generally it was
nice to find a chapter which I am my co-researcher Dave Clarke knew
something about.

'The 'Copter and the Crash dealt with a slew of sightings in 1973 and
early 74 of what became known as the Phantom Helicopter. Ancient or
more erudite readers will remember this as being a well publicised
flap in the Peak District, Staffordshire, Cheshire and North Wales.

No Copter was ever found to be the source of these sightings and
indeed the sightings were largely of light sources, NOT helicopters.

Therein lies the central mystery of ufology but we must press on.

'The crash' part of Nick's chapter refers to an event which took place
on January 23rd 1974 in  the Berwyn Mountains area of mid north Wales.
Over the years this case has been resurrected reshuffled and misquoted
by Dodd, Randles, Fry, Redfern etc and is on the brink of turning into
the desperately longed for 'British Roswell'.

Unless we can stop it!

The case as it is presented in any of the available sources is a mish
mash of fact and fiction. In an attempt to redress the balance and
prevent the case mutating further I am reinvestigating it (Dave C. and
I first mentioned it in our 1990 book Phantoms of the Sky). This
reinvestigation will culminate in a fully referenced booklet later
this year and lectures for several UFO groups including with one at
Madam Bott's Staffordshire Dominatrix Club, the November LAPIS
conference and various others.

If any readers have information or views on this case please get in
contact. I have a great deal of material on this case but anything is
welcome and will be credited.

Two months work on the case has already shown that all researchers who
have so far looked at the case have merely repeated earlier errors in
a way they should be ashamed of. Research actually involves doing
something original not just copying what others have copied from
sources they didn't check thoroughly in the first place..
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The Column 'They' Tried To Ban!

As some of you may be aware I write an occasional column on the
murkier side of ufology for Fortean Times. A piece I submitted last
autumn was -shock!- turned down. I guess they just thought it didn't
fit. So you can have it here instead. I can't remember what it was
called so we'll call it Elsie..........

'Well, that's the 50th anniversary of UFOs over with, thank god. Fifty
years since Ken Arnold's seminal Mt Rainier vision which unknowingly
begat the psychic circus called ufology. But where has it left us,
this year of reflection and reckoning? Publishers have made a fortune
from recycling the usual tripe about UFOs to an X File sensitised
public whilst the frenzied rumours as to what would be revealed by the
authorities have waxed and waned without substance, as they have done
annually since the '50s. Otherwise it seems the best the UFO community
can come up with is some tatty second hand crash retrieval stories and
a few bits of metal, provenance unknown, but hardly off-planet
artefacts. Oh, and thirty nine people went through Heaven's Gate
because they thought a spaceship lay in the tail of Hale-Bopp. I hope
the people who fed the media with that idea are able to sleep soundly.
Do I sound cynical? That's because I am.

Ufology is at crisis point - again. Its promises are as unfulfilled as
its fantasies are lurid. A few people, mainly publishers, authors and
organisation leaders dry-hump the subject for all it's worth while the
numbers of genuine researchers are few - maybe 50 people in the UK
maximum. The rest, the shock troops and the rubes just come and go as
their belief systems are processed through the ufological mill. For
most the subject doesn't come up with the demonstrable proof they
obviously crave and so they seek it elsewhere, drifting into
ever-woollier belief systems. Others join UFO groups hoping for
guidance and relevation. They soon discover that those bastions of
truth-seeking and lid-blowing, whilst they exist aplenty, do so not
for any research or investigation purposes, but simply to stroke egos
and supply endless shoals of fish for the UFO aquarium.

Put simply, if it wasn't for ufologists there would be no UFO subject
today, period. It's a self-perpetuating, hermetically sealed system.
Others attempt to justify the subject's many failings by insisting the
breakthrough will surely come if only scientists would get involved.
Wrong! Any professional worth their salt takes one look at the subject
and instantly recoils, fearful for their sanity and reputation. True,
many scientists hold a sincere interest and would like to get
involved, but just cannot see anything on offer either in the way of
evidence, proof, methodology or integrity.

The key player in this annus horribilis for ufology has been the
British UFO Research Association. Founded in 1956 and one of the
oldest UFO study groups in the world it has, until recently, weathered
the storm and led the field in a number of ways. Now BUFORA is in
disarray, another victim of the moral bankruptcy which pervading the
UFO subject. For instance, BUFORA one had a fairly tight Code of
Practice which protected witness confidentiality. In this BUFORA led
the world. But then the rot set in. Witness details were passed onto
gentlemen of the press without permission or consultation, causing
considerable distress to people who had experienced - whatever the
stimuli - some pretty bizarre incidents.

Where once BUFORA shied away from the glare of press attention by 1995
they had weakened and allowed themselves to be a publicity vehicle for
the universally derided Santilli 'alien autopsy' film. Bad enough, but
by 1997 they were allowing the ufological equivalent of snake oil
barkers to speak, unchallenged, at their conference. Tabloid ufology
had finally penetrated the inner sanctum of reason. It got worse.
BUFORAs sensible and unique moratorium on hypnotic regression was
blithely broken by those investigators who claimed to practise it as
part of their membership of other UFO groups. As though that made it
all ok. If any of these acts had been committed in a multi-national
then appropriate steps would have been taken to discipline the
offenders. But not in BUFORA. All pretence of it being a membership
driven organisation went out of the window. Like the mushrooms of
adage its members were kept in the dark and fed bullshit (hey, even
bullshit was hard to come by as Council members failed to respond to
any 'difficult' queries put to them via e or snail mail) and despite
repeated requests from within the membership and their own Council of
Management no effective action was taken. Eventually in the summer of
1997 BUFORA couldn't paper over its crackpots any longer and called a
high level meeting at which charges of breaching witness
confidentiality were laid at the feet of their Press Officer, Philip
Mantle. Astonishingly, despite these breaches being conclusively
proven, Mantle was supported by two thirds of Council, including the
Director of Investigations. This means anyone in BUFORA can ride rough
shod over witness confidentiality at will. And sell the story for
profit if they wish. Sure this boosts sales of books and gets
investigators in the newspapers. But what does it do to the poor
witness who unburdens themselves of a psychic apocalypse and expects
to be taken seriously?

In the end it barely matters that the subject matter we are dealing
with is that of UFOs and, by cultural inference, aliens. That's the
fantasy. The reality is that as ufologists we deal solely with human
beings, people who have perhaps had powerful experiences and who
should be offered trust and support. It's the least we can do and is
the key to any serious understanding of the forces - inner or outer -
they have come into contact with.

This way of dealing with people is an ethical one. Sadly most
ufologists believe ethics to be adjacent to Sussex and about as
boring. BUFORA - and the majority of other UFO research groups and
investigators have celebrated the anniversary of the subject well by
behaving like pack animals, scrabbling for press attention at any cost
and reducing the witness experience to a currency whose only value is
its weight in publicity. The truth? Well it's still out there, but the
current crop of Mulder's and Scully's are lost in a hall of mirrors
where all they can see is their own reflection.

And they like it that way.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
----

Aftermath

So that was that. Fortean Times wouldn't run it, but it's all true and
few people in BUFORA actually disagree with its comments. Especially
many who were at the fateful council meeting. BUFORA are rarely able
to deal with the truth though and one of their Vice Presidents, Lionel
Beer, (he likes steam engines you know) freaked and 'phoned Bob
Rickard up to suggest they didn't print it as they might 'lose
readers'. Yeah, like any of the less than 500 BUFORA members are going
to stop buying FT because of an article that tells the truth!

BUFORAs D of I Gloria 'zeroG' Dixon told various people that she
'wanted my balls in a bag' (hardly worth the bother, my partner
assures me) and I had lots of 'lively' email from the likes of
Robert Moore and Dave Newton who for some reason thought they
had a clue what was going on.

Like I cared.

Obviously I did because I resigned from UFO Times leaving Dave
'Sensible' Newton in full command. Big mistake.

The resulting issue of UFO Times was an execrable mess that a nine
year old on tartrazine with a John Bull printing kit could have done.

As regards journal editing pilgrims, it's not just about having
articles and putting them altogether, it's about knowing the scene,
the people, the trends, and being able to catch just the right mood
for the time the zine comes out.

In the meantime a crack BUFOONA cash retrieval team was issued to Mike
Wootten's palatial North Wales residence where anything which looked
as though BUFORA had remotely paid for was wrenched from his grasping
hands as his wife and children looked on in astonishment.

Whoever gets the scanner next will notice tear stains and finger nail
marks from the savage doorstep tussle that took place.

Mike loved that scanner you know.

The Highland Clearances had nothing on this!

Of course in their tasteless eagerness to 'get what is theirs' BUFORA
omitted to consider, and weigh off, the freebies which Mike had
provided for them over the years and which had saved them hundreds if
not thousands of pounds.

But then you never expected BUFORA to be grateful did you?

Good, because they weren't and didn't even thank Mike for his years of
service (read 'donkey work') on Council.

One funny part of this incident was when the balaclava clad hit men
(and let's face it Arnold West and Robin Lindsay look pretty funny in
SAS get up) suggested that they might have the review books back.

Mike sent them away with a stinging 'no!'. Any fule no that review
books and zines go to the editor of a journal, don't they? Well no
actually because BUFORA are so tight that as a result of this they've
actually gone so far as to change the company's Articles of
Association so that it's THE LAW that all review books become the
property of BUFORA.

You're a member of BUFORA aren't you? - is it good to know that the
company rules can be changed to suit the suits by them just, well,
just changing them. They don't have to actually bother the membership
with such details.

It just IS.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
----

You Can't Come In Here Thinking Like That

Speaking of BUFORA membership. My moles in the Star Chamber informed
me that my membership was to be 'looked at' when it came up for
renewal in February '98. And so it was. At the March Council meeting
certain people - and this is another example of BUFORAs patheticness
because no-one will say exactly who raised the issue - certain people
decided that they couldn't hack the constant criticism I heap on the
way BUFORA is run.

Note that.

The way BUFORA is run. I have a lot of time for BUFORA's aims and
objectives and do a lot of work for the org. But.

There is a small group of people who effectively control BUFORA and
who can't hack criticism because it exposes them for the conservative
charlatans they are.

Anyway it was decided that the only thing they could 'get' me on was
the fact that I'd told their printer that they couldn't afford to pay
him and he shouldn't do anything until he received money. Seemed
reasonable to me but not to 'certain people'.

As an aside here it's worth noting that over the years BUFORA members
have got away with and are getting away with: using hypnosis against
the Code Of Practice, giving witnesses names to the press, selling
photographs that belonged to other people, writing abusive notes to
other BUFORA members, accusing BUFORA members of illegal activities
and so on. Of course this is acceptable behaviour, but criticise the
way the aims and objectives are interpreted, the process by which
BUFORA runs and claims to be founded on, prevent someone getting
ripped off and actually ask what some Council members do to justify
their existence on Council and it's suddenly a hanging matter.

Tish and fipsy.

An argument ensued about this on Council and the action was to be that
Steve 'I don't' Gamble was to send a stiffly worded letter to me
(eek!) pointing out the error of my ways and inviting a reply. Sensing
a trap here, i.e. they thought I would just give them a load of
nonsense so they could refuse my renewal instead I argued my point
valiantly and bugger me if I didn't get renewed. Still didn't find out
who the gutless bastards who opposed me were -at least not officially-
but we're working on it and there will be a reckoning.

BUFORA Captain?
Illogical -
Does Not Compute

The current logic in BUFORA seems to run that:
a) BUFORA is in a mess financially and ethically.
b) We will therefore hide our heads in the sand in the hope it will go
away
c) If anyone criticises us we will
i) Ignore them
ii) If that doesn't work we will try to get rid of them
d) Then it will all go back to normal, same people same tired old
organisation

Or, to misquote Henry Ford, "You can have any kind of BUFORA you want.
As long as it's crap."
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Can Go - Won't Go!

BUFORA has been in this situation on and off for years. Everyone who
knows anything about either the structure of UFO orgs generally or
BUFORA specifically knows what needs to be done. Simply, the coterie
of chums and ET believers who run it need to go and let fresh blood
in, people who know what's going on and are active in the field.
But they won't and in fact my remote viewing bot tells me that this
group of individuals have even considered winding BUFORA (a limited
company) up rather than relinquish their positions and let others take
over.
No doubt now I will face further 'action' because I refuse to let them
carry this farce on in secret.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
----

Mmmmm, NIC(e)

However there is some light at the end of the tunnel. the National
Investigations Committee, comprised of active researchers and
investigators have come up with some monkey gland to inject into the
corpse. At an excellent meeting in March several hours of ufology were
discussed and resolutions made.

These include a regular flow of good research and case reports from
the NIC, one or two lectures a year organised by the NIC, an NIC email
list and one or two other things. Things were happening.

Of course BUFORA council immediately threw up their hands when they
heard about this and thought insurrection was afoot and that people
were tunnelling beneath them. Following the NIC and as a result of
criticism made by John Heptonstall, chairman Steve Gamble resigned.
Ooops, in true BUFORA style he unresigned a day or two later. This is
a popular BUFORA Officers game which several have played out over the
years.

Here's how to play.

You are a BUFORA Council member. You bask in power and reflected
glory. Someone criticises you. Oh golly! You resign, hurt. But then
all your pals persuade you to unresign in case one of the 'outsiders'
gets on Council and upsets things.

I was always under the illusion that - and this certainly applies in
my professional sphere - that if you resign then that's it baby,
you're history.  Of course we all know BUFORA is above history - but
certainly not above histrionics.

Where were we.......oh, So you see what I've been getting at - suggest
innovation and change and the suits try to stamp it out at source.
But we'll get there in the sweet by and by, we've all been camped
outside the city for too long to acquiesce to now.

Of course this criticism of BUFORA has led to even the most sensible
in their ranks concluding that it's an orchestrated effort on behalf
of 'them' to destroy UK ufology. I'm afraid the only person
orchestrated is myself following their D of I's request. One leading
council member has noted in correspondence to BUFORA's chairman Steve
Gamble

"If there is a force at work behind the scenes determined to destroy
the only voice of reason and sanity in ufology in this country, then
it has succeeded admirably by putting us all at odds with each other."

There y'go again - paranoia. No, you're at odds with each other
because few of you know why you are there or what you are doing.
And now you are eating yourselves.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Left, Right, Left Right

The saga of Tim Matthews goes on apace. See earlier issues for the
facts so far but basically quite a few incy wincy ufologists don't
like him 'cos he's a bit in your face and well, perhaps because he
does some research and publishes it and well you know, just because.

Yeah, they haven't got a reason.
But someone had.
Oh yes indeedy.

The Winter '97 issue of Lobster, a conspiracy journal edited by a man
who still lives with his mum, alleged many things about Tim. In an
uncredited story - but our guess is Armen Victorian/Henry Halfdazed
was behind it - a riveting tale unfolded. This is how it went......if
you believe it!

Tim Matthews had once been a 'well-in' member of the British National
Party and possibly other far right orgs. He had been very active at
all levels and was possibly implicated in the sort of criminal things
that far right groups do.

He then changed sides at some point and worked undercover for the
anti-facist 'zine Searchlight, before exposing the BNP on a World In
Action prog, then went into extreme Green politics before finally
washing up on the shores of ufology.

Left, right, left, right. Whose tune was he really marching to? A guy
called Larry O'Hara whose obsession in life is rooting about in the
dusty corners of extreme politics alleges that Tim Matthews - real
name Tim Hepple - is really working for the UK military in an
intelligence deep cover situation and that his 'job' is one of agent
provocateur, spreading disinformation among ufologists.

Crikey.

Challenged about this Tim vigorously denied the UK military bit but
freely admits he was in the BNP and most of the other affiliations.
Except a particularly nasty one about his alleged involvement in a far
right white supremacist pseudo-religious organisation called The
Church of The Creator.

The thin skinny on this stuff can be found in other zines, or in one
of the three (count 'em) booklets which people have written about his
alleged activities. Type 'Tim Hepple' into an Internet search engine
and see what happens.

These allegations, some ufologists claimed, justified what they had
said about Tim all along.

These deeds were all quite a few years ago now. Are people not allowed
to have a past? And if we are talking political extremists how about
Patrick Harrington who used to print BUFORAs magazine  -he is involved
in some seriously deep and murky far right political shit. Or maybe
George Sturgeon, former BUFORA witness support group member who filled
their 'newsletter' with racist nonsense?

There's a lot of it about and I suspect if you scratched a few well
known ufologists, whom I'd rather not name for legal reasons, you'd
find a strange political smell coming from them.

But what's Tim up to in ufology with a background such as this? Who
knows, but it does seem as if he's been involved in more plots than a
gravedigger. Ideal for ufology I hear you say, yes and that's why he's
comes so far so quick. The inter group politicking he can do whilst
eating his Shreddies and his grass roots activist background make
research and investigation a cinch. He draws people into his lectures
and gives them some of what they want and a lot of what he wants.

Hey, just like real politics!
Let's just have a break now and turn our attentions back (I know, it's
tedious but it's got to come out, like drawing a boil) to BUFORA.
We'll have another look at Tim in a while. You'll see what happens.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Even Mushrooms Don't Get Treated This Way!

BUFORA carried on its implementation of the darkness/bullshit equation
when Chairman Steve 'I don't' Gamble announced he was to be chairman
of the new Thousand Year Wretch,...no, sorry, just for the next three
years. Yup, no voting, no consultation, just there y'go. It will all
get ratified at the AGM in April. On the nod. Gamble sent out a
missive which covered the whole debacle up as usual.
Instead of actually telling the little people what had taken place,
that they were skint and gooks were on the wire the spin doctors had
been at work. No mention of any of the various challenges or upsets,
no mention of the hideous financial mess BUFORA is in. No mention of
how they are unable to service the members with the six magazines they
paid for (the last one was out in autumn '97). And so on.

Which all reminds me of the joke:
Q: How many BUFORA members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they just form a support group called 'Coping With
Darkness.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------

View Halloo!

And then, simply because I won't stop criticising the stupid things
they do BUFORA started an Andy Roberts backlash. About bloody time
too, sport has been thin on the ground recently.

Dave 'Sensible' Newton attended a super secret meeting on the astral,
where old men with rolled up trouser legs and rolled down imaginations
blew up each others noses to see whose turn it was in the barrel.

Dave was it - 'cos he's The Chosen One - and he was despatched to
start wittering about some subs which went awry when the IUN collapsed
in 1992.

Merely resting in my account I assure you.

I won't bore you with the details - the full text of thrust and
riposte was on the BUFORA members page (loads of picture of BUFORA
people's members - it's disgusting). You can't see it now because the
site's shut down. But you can imagine just how tedious it was.

Anyway in traditional ufologist fashion Sensible twisted whatever
'evidence' was available to his own ends, misquoting letters from
Jenny Randles, being vague about facts, times and dates and generally
making himself and his masters look stupid.

This sort of propaghandi just won't do and in the end Jenny found out
what he'd been up. As a result Sensible got a rather stiffly worded
letter accusing him of having 'callously misled' all those he was
prittle prattling to by email, about something he knew nothing about.

When we squeezed his melons and got the 'facts' out of him it turned
out he was able to supply two names and address of people who didn't
get what was owed to them.
Which when you consider the end of the IUN came amidst the death of
one founder member, a marriage break up of another and the profound
disinterest of a third I don't think that's bad at all.

But Sensible did. and he's in charge of UFO Times and he's one baaaaad
mo'fer.

Sensible also runs a parish magazine called Strange Daze which is weak
version of UFO Brigantia. Brigantia-lite, if you like. Wags are
suggesting that he changes the name to Strange Dave and writes all
about his rum old adventures in UFO-land.

But then it would just be a weak copy of The Armchair Ufologist -
oops, deja vu Dave!

Sensible ceased his witterings then and went off to seethe quietly.
Game over.
And after all that I still got my membership renewed.
Which was nice.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

I Had Too Much To Dream Last Night

The scene: A flat somewhere in Southport.

The cast: Tim Matthews and Eric Morris.

Tim and Eric stand at the side of a large table marked out into a map
of the north. Small counters with pictures of ufologists dot the map.
Eric surreptitiously slides one with a picture of him on it across
into Wales. Tim notices and slaps his hand sharply........

'No Eric', I do the pushing about in this game.'
'But you said.........'
'Never mind what I said, I've said lots of things.'
'But.'
'Never mind the buts Morris, you're mine now and you'll do as I say,
or the photographs go public. What haf you put in zis schnapps Morris?
I'm feeling quite ill.......................
Zo, vif LAPIS und NLUFOIG  cringing vif terror und vif BUFORA in
disarray it's time to cement our redoubt.'
'What's a redoubt Tim?'
'Zey are things I don't haf Eric. Ze final solution is a conference in
Southport, one like they haf nefer seen before. One vich vil elevate
me - put that counter of Irene Bott down Morris, you'll make it sticky
- still higher.'
'Wow Tim, you're great.'
'I know but remember who's in charge Morris.'
'Can't I be in charge as well Tim.'
'No Morris. Anyway virst ve take Lancashire unt zen ve reich, sorry
reach, for the stars.'
'But you don't think they come from the stars Tim.'
'Shuttit unterufologist, I've told you about the buts.'
'But Tim, Tim, if they don't come from the stars, and Tony says they
do and so do we, where do they come from.'
'Haven't you been listening Morris? Zis year ve zink ze government
makes them.'
'No ET then Tim?'
'No Eric, you're a debunker this year.'
'What's a debunker Tim?'
'Debunker? That's where it all ends Eric.'

and then I woke up, got out of bed.................
------------------------------------------------------------------

Southport Uber Alles

So there we were at Tim Matthews' conference on 24th January.

I've written about the conference in Fortean Times and it was a very,
very, good day........but as usual at these events conspiracy was
lurking in the minds of some of those present.

Harry Harris was there, having taken time off from big game hunting.
He arrived with the secret intention of reading out a screed which
told of how he simply hated Joe Dormer of LAPIS who had called Harry a
nasty rough boys name at the '96 LAPIS conference. See how the science
of ufology is advanced?

But Tim Matthews found out and they held heated council in one of the
corridors. A psychic game of paper, water, stone was played intensely
for half an hour and Harris lost. In the end all he had to offer from
the stage was some old tosh about an advertising balloon and the girl
wot seen it 'avin 'ad a bit 'o missing time, knowwarramean?

People were openly sniggering at the suggestion that this balloon had
'panels' and was capable of creating missing time in a witness who was
clearly miles away. Hypnotic regression had been used and Harris
sniffed an abduction. We were less than thrilled.

Throughout the talk delivered by Harry and sidekick David ('I'm a nuts
and bolts man') Caton, Kevin McClure was on top form, challenging
Harry's every utterance. Hearing that Harry used a 'homeopathic
psychologist' McClure quipped, ' Does that mean he uses psychology in
very small doses?'. Harris was not amused and retorted, quite
inappropriately, 'I'm not a charlatan you know'.

What?

Had we suggested that Harry was a member of the '60s San Franciscan
psychedelic band? Or indeed the much later 'baggy' group hailing from
Northwich in Cheshire. No - so what are you on about Harry?

We thought a while......

Ahhhh, surely Harry you didn't mean anyone could possibly think your
research methods were crap, your claims highly questionable and your
attitude aggressive? Because no-one there said that. We just think you
exhibit a startling naivet=E9 in the light of the available evidence.
That's all.

Of course Harry has since been telling people he thought the
conference was a debunker's outing and he wasn't at all impressed.
He'll probably threaten to sue me for telling other people what he
said and what I thought of it.

If you want to know more about the conference read my piece in F.T. or
in NARO's zine. We're running out of time now and the best bit is yet
to come.

It's eight o clock. We've all been sat there for a long time now and
it's the abduction debate. Graceful Glo from BUFORA has just delivered
her keynote speech (by now readers she has my balls in a bag to
treasure for all time - ask her to show you) and we are just about
ready to have a good old chin wag when.....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's Laaaarrrry

It was Laaaaaarrrrrrry.

Yes, the fabled Larry O'Hara, scourge of the right,  in the flesh.
Right there before us in casual schoolteacher threads and gurly scarf.
The guy has got bottle you have to admit. As he started denouncing Tim
for his crimes against everyone who wasn't Laaaaarrrrry Tim narrowed
his eyes, flared his nostrils (very popular fashion in the 70s, flared
nostrils), turned a light shade of puce and propelled himself down the
aisle toward Laaaaary.

You should have seen the looks on people's faces! Thinking they had
come to learn the truth behind the X Files, instead they found
themselves in the centre of a near drubbing incident.

What did O'Hara and his running hamsters of the far left hope to
achieve? Did they think that ufologists would be overawed by his
revelations and spew forth onto the streets, march to London and
present a petition to Tony Blair demanding something they would have
forgotten about by the time they got there?

Hey Larry, these are ufologists we're talking about. Most of them
can't understand the letter for today in Sesame Street, never mind the
bonkers nonsense of a man who clearly needs a life, a hobby and a good
shag.

The whole thing was surreal. Kevin McClure tried to act as
intermediary (O'Hara subs. to Abduction Watch so Kevin thought he may
have influence). To no avail and this flurry of  unexplained
paranormal phenomena evoked the base nature of those involved and what
can only be described as 'shouting and pointing' took place (I have
the photos).

Larry was duly shuffled outside whereupon Eric 'I've been a sailor,
me' Morris allegedly kicked him in the research department. Other,
less politically aware, souls demonstrated their profound ignorance of
the dialectic process and simply told him to fuck off.

Either he would or he wouldn't and this disturbance of the either led
to a strange ringing noise that resolved into the formation of a small
cop circle which swirled him right outta town.

Prior to that, as O'Hara was 'escorted from the premises' some weird
beards in the audience started handing out leaflets about Tim's
badness. Another videod the proceedings. Tim's father in law assisted
one beardy bloke away in fine style and peace descended once more.

Great stuff. We should book Tim'n'Laaary for every UFO conference as a
floor show. But Tim's equilibrium was visibly shaken. Was this, people
whispered, because he'd been exposed as
left-talkin-right-walking-ufologically-infiltratin' government asset?

Or simply because he was being hounded by a nutter for enthusiastic
discretions in his (hitler) youth?

God knows. And God, as everyone knows, is mit uns.

But consider how the UFO community deals with this problem. Do
governments put people in the subject to disrupt and disorganise?
Would they be as obvious as Tim? Or maybe his obviousness is a cover
in itself. Any permutation is possible on the Rubik Cube of paranoia.

If Tim really is in soft cover, working for the Dark Forces at MFI,
B&Q or any other furniture manufacturer then we are pleased to welcome
them to a game they won't forget in a hurry.

But Tim does seem to have plans for world domination. His past is
perturbing - what if we all gave him our support and he did turn out
to be what people accuse him of?

Let's look at the Timrise from two different alignments.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

If It's Tuesday It Must Be Poland

Fresh from his triumphs as a state asset in the left and right his
paymasters launch him from nowhere into ufology. Why? Well ufologists
are interested in military craft and establishments, one good
infiltrator could put them on the wrong track totally, and set the
subject back thirty years and be gone before the dust settles. First
get your power - Quest, no good, too well organised, soon falls out.
Pisses off the local Lancashire groups, no future there, attaches
himself to BUFORA with high hopes of power and status until BUFORAs
legendary apathy and southerncentricism slowed him down too much,
formed an alphabet soup of orgs, planned a supergroup involving that
other outcast of UK ufology Philip Mantle, takes over the subject
feeds it with whatever info he wishes, intimidates those who would
oppose him and when his masters call him off he just disappears
leaving the whole ball game in a big mess......

or

We'll Fight Them On The Beaches

In which Tim, a bright lad, rebels in his youth and gets involved with
big boys with bad ideas. It could happen to any of us. Has a road to
domestos experience and dobs the baddies in to the goodies but errs
too far left. Wrong map. You can take the boy out of politics but you
can't take politics out of the boy. Discovers ufology relatively late,
realises most 'research' is a bag of shite and that there is a good
case for secret terrestrial craft being misperceived as UFOs, which
the gov are happy to go along with, annoys everyone because he has
'presence' and isn't afraid to tell people when they are being stupid,
realises local groups, Quest and BUFORA are a waste of time and that
by moving fast and light he can move across the enemies' heartland in
his panze...sorry, by not burdening himself with structure he can get
things done, gets a book contract on the strength of his new and
vigorous ideas and suddenly  finds earlier 'enthusiasms' catching up
with him, ufologist being paranoids take it all too seriously, forges
ahead despite this and acts as a badly needed purgative to an egg
bound subject, ufology moves forward in leaps and bounds and people
erect golden statues of Tim in their gardens.

See what I mean?
Let's ask Max for a comment, he'll know;
 "Tim Matthews? He's Intel."
Yeah, right Max.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, Wait A Minute Mr Postman

As Tim rose so did his enemies. Several 'anonymous' leaflets were sent
out being very cruel to him indeed. Run by an anonymous group called
SHADO they were straight to the point and upset a lot of people. Which
is presumably what they were intended to do.

As usual in ufology everyone accused everyone else but and they were
all wrong - at least about the first two. I have my suspicions but in
this instance, just for once, I'm not telling you.

As for the third one,  which dealt largely with the activities of Eric
Morris, Matthew 'Just' Williams, a Truthseeker, used a scryring
machine to ferret out the base art of this hoaxer. 'Just' has claimed
that the results of his investigations have revealed it to be none
other than the aforementioned Eric 'kicker' Morris, who it seems has
been sending out anonymous screeds about himself.

Narcissistic or just plain 'ol sad?
You decide.
Eric of course vigorously denies this but the simple facts are that no
two photocopier 'signatures' are the same and unless someone had
sneaked into Eric's orifice and used his copier then he done it!

Weird one eh?
Eric, Tim's ahem, 'right hand man' has also been heard to say
everything is rosy in their garden because 'Andy Roberts is behind
(us)').
Only in the pantomime sense of the expression Eric old chap.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Beyond Our Ken (our kid)

And then there's the mysterious case of Tony 'Ken' Dodd. Dodd, who was
a mainstay of what used to be YUFOS before Graham Birdsall got a
jumper transplant and UFO magazine went bigtime. Dodd was always the
wild card in the pack. Whilst the Brothers Grimm at least pretended
they were sceptical and level headed, even if their writings showed
otherwise, Tony was free of such petty restrictions. Animal mutes,
abductions, MIBs, death threats, crash retrievals were just obstacles
to the truth, sorry THE TRUTH, in Tony's day to day life.

Anyway the point is that he has now resigned from UFO magazine to
pursue investigations privately. I'm sure that he will be publishing
the results of all these and that we will soon know the true nature of
the alien menace which besets us.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dodd Watch

Where was it all going Dodd-watch wanted to know. The answer came soon
enough and it was as we had feared.
Omar Fowler's newsletter OVNI published a letter from the Doddman
which read:

"March 10th 1998

Dear Omar,

Thank you for your letter and the very interesting report attached. I
have no doubt whatsoever that some of the flying triangles witnessed
over the past few years are of terrestrial origin. I am fairly certain
also that some of the huge triangular craft seen in Scotland and in
the Arctic Circle both entering and leaving the sea are
extra-terrestrial.

My information from highly place sources indicates that there is
without doubt liaison going on between a race of ETs and our own
people. There is also substantial information that another race of ET
with malevolent intent is visiting us. It would appear that we are
being given advanced technology by the friendly ET. to enable us to
defend against the unfriendly, hence the new generation of triangular
aircraft. The weapons in use appear to be highly advanced particle
beam weapons which have been used with great success.

This also confirms the reason why so many huge underground facilities
have been appearing all over the globe when we are supposed to be
living in a peace time environment. Of course the animal and human
mutilation situation is all part of this.

With regard to your request for the verses which I received
telepathically. As I said this was one of many messages I received. I
have put some of these on tape with background music for easy
listening and enclose a copy of the tape for your interest. These
messages truly came to me and I hope you find them interesting.

Yours sincerely,

Tony Dodd,

'Easy listening'! Like, crazy man. I must get a tape for those relaxed
evenings at home. Groove on down to the harmonious sounds of Tony and
the Aliens backed by Joe 'Time' Loss and the Paranormal Orchestra.
It's trad ufology dad.

Tony's capacity for belief clearly rivals even that of the queen in
Alice in Wonderland, who could believe six impossible things before
breakfast. Hell, I bet Tony doesn't even eat breakfast. That way
there's more time for those impossible things!

Doddwise things got much (oh yes they could) worse in late March with
the publication of Abducted by Ann Andrews and Jean Ritchie. Based on
the alleged abduction of a child from Essex which Doddy had written
about in UFO zine , this book is one heap of unadulterated rubbish. If
it were a fish it would be a bottom feeder. No doubt others will pull
it limb from limb (look out for Kevin McClure's FT piece for
starters), so we won't bother here.

The only 'good' thing in the book is that thankfully no regression
hypnosis was used. But despite the wonga which will come the poor
kids' way, how will this affect him? He's a child and if we have one
responsibility in life it is to children. For the sake of a few pieces
of gold Ritchie, Dodd and his parents have changed this poor little
sod's life forever. I just hope someone keeps a track of how it all
works out for him and that one day he is able to realise he has been
hoodwinked by the really evil twin forces of belief and commercialism.
Able to realise that, and filled with the desire to speak out against
the people - not aliens-  who have abused him and his right to a
peaceful childhood.

All I can say about the book is don't waste your money. Besides the
alleged abduction which is risible, there is some terminal nonsense
about Doddy and t'ing but the real meat comes on page 80 near the
bottom.

"Quest came into being when Graham Birdsall, who set it up, found
himself wondering who to turn to about his own abduction experiences."

So Graham has been abducted eh? Answers a lot of questions. I
immediately emailed the Greyster to get to the, er, 'bottom' of this
abduction allegation. He replied thusly:

'Appreciate your letting me know that I'm supposed to have been
whisked away. Yes, it's news to me as well.  I have been so busy I've
not had time to fully read the book as yet, just leafed through some
of the chapters, so I guess I'd better say something in the next issue
of the mag. Trouble is, someone is bound to write-in and suggest I
undergo hypnotic regression - just in case....'

If we were predictin' kinds of folks our guess is that it's squirm
city at Kastle Kwest. We'd also predict a Tony Tome on the horizon,
possibly co-authored by Jean Ritchie and featuring nonsense a-go-go,
and hopefully maybe a free tape with some alien messages for that
all-important easy listening.


Tough on Ufology - Tough on the Causes of Ufology
Ufology: Delicious Hot - Disgusting Cold