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From: Jim Mortellaro <Jsmortell@aol.com>
Date: Sun, 4 Jul 1999 12:23:12 EDT
Fwd Date: Sun, 04 Jul 1999 15:50:54 -0400
Subject: Re: Doug & Dave


Hi Henny, Bruce and all;

As some of you may know, I occasionally wax serious on this
frequency, but not too frequently.  It makes me sober up and I
just can't do that for long.  Mostly because I must taste test
all of my bright ideas and also because I detest sobriety.

Anyway, I have a name for Crop Circles.  But before proffering
the moniker, I must define some terms.  Let us begin with
"American Princess."  It originally began with Henny Youngman
(RIP, say, you aren't related are you, Henny?) it began with
Henny Youngman when he invented the term, "Jewish American
Princess," or as we refer to them here Bas Gaia, the beer belly
of the world, J.A.P. But this term is deemed PI, and as a
result, we use the shortened version, AP.

The reason for this explanation is that most American women are
AP's.  Now you are saying, I can hear you, "You have alienated
and insulted just about every other culture on the freaking
planet, but you went and did it, you went and ticked off "THEM!"

Well, no matter really. I've ticked "THEM" off before. In fact,
"THEY" are perpetually ticked off at me. Just read some
responses I get on this channel!

I digress, I am sorry. I define AP because the alien races are
matriarchal societies! Did you know that? The women on other
planets rule!

Come to think on it, not much difference here, except there,
they got the titles and they got the nukes.  Here, they got
bazoomies.  Same thing, just no portfolio here.  Not only are
they matriarchal on these other planets, but they are royalty as
well.  Now hold on, we are coming to the name, I just gotta set
it up.

OK, so far we've determined that OT, "Over There," on other
planets, women got the Motts and they are Queens and Princesses
etc.  Men suffer from PE (premature ejaculation) so they are
anathema and are sent away to explore the galaxy and usually get
a little by abducting "us."  Since they (alien men) are AC/DC,
they abduct both sexes and have their way with us. If this is
the first time you are reading some of these theories, see my
monograph on "The Theory of Fagella-ism in Alien Matriarchal
Societies and Why Their Men Rape Both Sexes Over Here."  You'll
love it.

Having said all that, here is the Crop Circle Theory name.

Grippgif!  It satisfies Henny's need for one word and literally
defines the phenom.

Crop Circles are made while aliens are under the influence of
Gripple. Not only do alien pilots fly without wobble or wig wag,
not only do they fly straight, but they also become extremely
artistic, on Gripple.  And when they are in their cups (in their
case, their wine gasses), they get a little horny, a little
depressed and lonely, a little creative and artistic.  Sometimes
they even sing a Dylan tune or two, by telepathy of course.
That's why some of us who are tuned in to "THEM" keep on hearing
Dylan lines all the time.  Bringing it all back home... since
these entities don't smoke, they can't smoke after, uh, you
know!  So they Gripple. That's when they get creative and head
straight for the best damned matriarchal, royal society on the
earth, and express their wistful moods by sowing artistic
expression in Brit wheat fields.

Thus the name.

Cogito, ergo, "GRIPPGIF!"

Love,
Gesundt, a little horny, a little lonely and very mellow.
Where's my Pia Doll? Anybody got some grass?