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From: Jim Mortellaro <Jsmortell@aol.com>
Date: Fri, 7 May 1999 00:02:25 EDT
Fwd Date: Fri, 07 May 1999 09:09:37 -0400
Subject: Third Face on Mars Discovered - Film at Eleven


Early this morning, astronomers from the New York City Society
of Anomalous Stuff, Mostly Faces on Planets (NYCSASMFOP), were
shocked to discover a third face on the surface of Mars which is
now in conjunctivitis with the Earth.  Not only that, but
Jupiter is laying with Mars.

"Lying" ...  Sorry.

Photos of this highly unusual face were immediately dispatched
to Central Intelligence, National Safety Association and the
Oral Office.  It has been determined that this discovery is a
matter of national insignificance, thereby precluding the
release of the photos to the pubic... uh, the public ... sorry.
This reporter has it on very good authority that this latest
face so strongly resembles Phil Klass that there are people out
there who believe Mr. Klass is, in reality, an illegal alien
from there.   Which is really wierd since most folks I know
think he's Elvis.  This plot thickens quicker than Gripple ages.

"Citizens have no right knowing the truth, since it might set
them free and that's all we need right now!" said a White Horse
Ex Spurt.  Gripple Works astronomers however, have also
photographed the object and released copies to the press, which
refused to comment on the matter saying, "If Gesundt was
involved, it's probably swamp gas."  "But there is no swamp gas
on Mars.  We've got them there, eh?" stated Gesundt, who is most
likely from Ontario ... or maybe Toronto even because he talks
funny.

"Gripple has been following this story for weeks now, the only
person we can contact who would believe us is that Cheese
person, that Fromage. But he's not talking.  We think the
Gubbamint got to him too" stated Dr. Morty, Gripple Meister.

Ramalama Ding Dong, the other white meat, was overheard saying
(in the men's room at CIA headquarters) that NASA would keep the
lid on this thing as long as it took to keep the public in (code
word) "MUSHROOM" status ... in CIA-speak, this means, "Keep 'em
in the dark and feed them manure."  Actually they did not say,
"manure," they used another word. But this is not public radio.

And so another day passes in the life of UFOlogists. "It travels
like fog does ... on cat's feet, as the poet once said.  Gosh,
in this age of the Internet and HMO's, it's so hard to know the
truth.  Gesundt said that.  "Everybody must get stoned."  Dylan
said that.

Drink Gripple.  It works faster.  I said that.

Captain E.J. Smith... Smithe...